


A Plethora of Pirates

by maiden_aunt (SCFrankles)



Category: Dear Ladies, The Pirates of Penzance (1983)
Genre: Bit of Mild Innuendo, Community: smallfandombang, Gen, Humor, Rosa Charles Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 20:44:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10726875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SCFrankles/pseuds/maiden_aunt
Summary: There are an awful lot of pirates in Penzance. As Hilda and Evadne are about to find out…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Pirates of Penzance takes place in the 1870s, and Hilda and Evadne are together in the Rosa Charles Opera Company from 1945 to the mid ‘50s. So in order to get everybody into the story at the same time and at the correct ages… *waves hands* Essentially I’ve just been fairly vague as to when exactly the story is taking place.
> 
> Also, I couldn’t remember what Hilda’s mother was called but my sister suggested ‘Gertrude’. By the time I accidentally refreshed my memory and found out that Lady Bracket’s name was Veronica, my sister and I were both pretty wedded to calling the character Gertrude. So I’ve let that stand. 
> 
> Thanks as always to my sister for help with ideas, and for beta-reading. Hinge and Bracket were created by Patrick Fyffe and George Logan. Dear Ladies was written by Fyffe and Logan, and Gyles Brandreth, and produced by the BBC. Some characters also hail from the BBC radio series The Random Jottings of Hinge and Bracket, which was written by Gerald Frow. In particular, my Nunton is based on the version played by Graham Crowden. The Pirates of Penzance is the work of W.S. Gilbert & Arthur Sullivan, and the 1983 film was directed by Wilford Leach.
> 
> This fic was written for [Round 6](http://smallfandombang.livejournal.com/tag/%5Br%5D%2006) of [Small Fandoms Bang](http://smallfandombang.livejournal.com/) on LJ. You can see [danceswithgary](http://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary)’s elegant accompanying artwork [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10723533).

It was spring. The year was young, it was a beautiful day, and Hilda Bracket was young and beautiful too. 

Though at the moment she was rather concerned that she might not live to enjoy it.

Hilda clutched at the passenger seat with one hand and held her hat firmly in place with the other as she and her mother sped along the narrow country roads.

Gertrude Bracket turned her head and beamed at her daughter. “I thought we’d take the scenic route!”

“I really think we should have taken the Rolls,” shouted back Hilda. She pushed her hat a little more tightly to her head. “Jenkins could have helped with my luggage at the other end too!”

Gertrude giggled. “You’ve got to let me have some fun with my new toy, darling. And we’ll be in London far faster with this car. Don’t want you to miss your train.”

Hilda flinched somewhat as the sports car accelerated.

Her mother glanced over at her. “Now you’ve got the General’s address in Penzance, haven’t you? Tremorden Castle? He’s expecting you. Says it’ll be no bother at all to put you up.”

Hilda smiled weakly. “It is kind of Daddy’s old friend to offer.” She hesitated. “But I’m still wondering if it might not be better to stay with everyone else in the boarding house. Set a good example.”

“Oh, no…” Gertrude slowed briefly for a bend before speeding up again. “The General is so looking forward to having you. I think he’s hoping you might be a sophisticated new friend for his daughters.”

“All eight of them?” Hilda looked doubtful. “And I am perhaps a _little_ older than them.”

“Nobody could be more glamorous though,” smiled Gertrude. 

“Well, yes…” Hilda preened somewhat.

Gertrude looked across at her. “And it’ll mean the Rosa Charles will save on your living expenses. That’s a good thing for the company at the moment, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Hilda sighed. “Yes, it is.”

 

 

It was spring. However, it was a dull day, in a rundown London boarding house, and Evadne Hinge was feeling somewhat dull and rundown herself. 

But then her mother generally had that effect on her. 

“Really, Mona...” said Maureen. 

Evadne winced but carried on packing up her belongings.

“Only you,” continued Maureen, “could start off in London and _then_ take the show on a tour of the provinces.”

“Thank you, Mother,” muttered Evadne. She smiled tightly. “We have to go where we can book theatres. Money is tight for a lot of people at the moment.” 

Maureen gestured vaguely. “True. But surely you can give your audiences something better than Gilbert and Sullivan?”

Evadne added her hairbrush and toiletries to the suitcase. “HMS Pinafore is a proven favourite. We can’t afford to take risks until things pick up. I do have the whole company to think of.”

“Well, I’m sure you know best, Mona,” said Maureen, with an expression that said the exact opposite.

Evadne paused in her packing. “Mother, I am grateful to you for coming down for a few days to see the show and offer your support. But don’t you have to get back to Scotland, or Mexico, or wherever your next port of call is?”

“Trying to get rid of me, dear..?” 

Maureen smirked. 

“Actually your stepfather has quite a lot of business to deal with presently, so I’m free to amuse myself for a couple of months.”

Evadne stared. “You’re not coming on tour with us?”

Maureen rolled her eyes. “Thank you for the gracious invitation, dear, but I do think I can find something a little more exciting to do with my time.”

Evadne attempted not to show her relief. “Of course. Not that you wouldn’t be welcome, Mother.”

“I’ll bear that in mind,” said Maureen drily. 

Evadne put the last item into her suitcase and fastened it up. “There. I’m done.”

“At last!” said Maureen. “Well, let’s get going then.”

Evadne picked up the suitcase, her music case and her handbag and looked at her mother doubtfully. “You know, you don’t have to drive me. I can easily get a taxi to the station.”

“Nonsense, Mona. I insist. Might as well make use of the car while I have it.” 

Maureen turned and led the way out of the room. Evadne sighed, and followed her down the stairs.

“Hilda making her own way to the station, is she?” called back Maureen.

Evadne adjusted her grip on her bags. “I told you, Mother. She went to spend the weekend at her parents’ place. Bracket Towers. Says she needed to pick up a few odds and ends before setting off on the tour.”

There was a smile in Maureen’s voice. “It’ll be nice to see her again. She did _so_ well in the performance.”

They had reached the bottom of the stairs. Evadne smiled politely at her erstwhile landlady and handed over the key. Then she trundled after her mother, who was already on the pavement opening the boot of her hired car. 

Evadne swung the suitcase into the car, and carefully put the music case on top. “Anyone else do well in the show, Mother, do you think?”

Maureen smiled kindly at her. “Och, yes. You had the orchestra keeping time very nicely, dear. But it’s not quite the same as being the star on stage, is it?”

Evadne smiled tightly, closed the boot, and walked round to climb into the passenger seat. She glanced nervously across at Maureen as her mother slid herself into the driver’s position and slammed the door. 

“You will… drive carefully, won’t you?” said Evadne.

Maureen grinned. “Now where’s the fun in that, Mona?”

The car set off with a roar. Evadne yelped and gripped the sides of her seat. 

 

 

They pulled into the railway station and Maureen found a parking space. Almost immediately a smart little open-top sports car zoomed up and parked not far away from them.

“Good gracious!” said Evadne, staring out of her window. “That looks like Hilda.”

“Is that her mother then?” Maureen was watching with great interest.

“It is indeed. Lady Bracket.” Evadne raised her eyebrows at the car and then again at the somewhat eccentric outfit of twinset and balaclava Lady Bracket was wearing. “Well, you know what the upper classes are like.”

Having retrieved her luggage from the boot of her mother’s car, Evadne made her way over to the sports car just as Hilda and her mother were alighting. 

“Hello, dear!” beamed Hilda.

“Hello, Hilda. Hello, Lady Bracket.”

Hilda’s mother grinned. “Oh, do be a devil, Evadne, and call me Gertrude!” 

Evadne smiled awkwardly. “Thank you… Gertrude.”

She turned her attention to Hilda’s luggage, piled up on the back seat of the car. 

“Great heavens, Hilda!” Evadne frowned at her. “You said you were going home to pick up a few odds and ends. You’ve got more clothes there than the wardrobe department.”

“No more than I need,” said Hilda with dignity. “And I’m not asking you to carry them, am I?”

She fluttered her eyelashes at the nearest porter, who completely ignored her. 

Evadne sighed and raised her hand to signal to another. “Excuse me. I wonder if you wouldn’t mind helping my friend…”

“Of course, madam.” The chap smiled at Evadne, then turned to Hilda’s luggage and flinched. 

He looked back bewildered at Evadne who smiled weakly. “I’m afraid so. I’ll sort out a suitable tip though.”

The porter nodded in thanks and began moving the cases onto a trolley. Evadne added her suitcase and music case, and the porter took them off in the direction of the platform. Evadne in her turn led Hilda and Gertrude over to Maureen.

“This is my mother, Mrs. Montero,” said Evadne. “Mother, this is Hilda’s mother, Lady Bracket.”

Gertrude extended a hand. “Do please call me Gertrude!”

“And you must call me Maureen!” smiled Maureen. 

She gestured to Gertrude’s car. “Lovely machine you have there.”

“Thank you,” beamed Gertrude. “It’s my pride and joy. Are you interested in cars?”

“Well, I like to drive ‘em,” laughed Maureen. 

“And crash them,” muttered Evadne. 

Maureen raise an eyebrow. “What did you say, dear?”

“Nothing, Mother.” Evadne turned quickly to Hilda. “Hadn’t we better get onto the platform now and see if the rest of the company has actually turned up?”

“Might be a good idea, yes.” Hilda smiled over at her mother. “I’d better say goodbye then, Mummy.”

Maureen turned to Evadne with a smirk. “And I’ll say goodbye too, Mona.”

“Mona..?” Gertrude frowned in bemusement, and Hilda rolled her eyes. 

Evadne was glaring at Maureen. 

“Mother, please. I have told you over and over again.”

Hilda glanced at her own mother and attempted to diffuse the situation. “Oh, don’t make such a fuss, Evadne. It’s not as though it isn’t your name. It is on your birth certificate.”

_“After_ ‘Evadne’,” said Evadne, through gritted teeth.

“Well, I think you’re making a fuss about nothing,” said Hilda, checking inside her handbag. 

Gertrude grinned at her. “Quite right, Brünnhilde.” 

Hilda froze.

A look of pure delight appeared on Evadne’s face. _“No._ You’re joking surely.”

Gertrude shook her head. “That’s the name we gave her.”

Hilda came to life again. “And it’s a fine name. But obviously one cannot actually be _called_ Brünnhilde.” 

“Of course not, dear,” smiled Gertrude. She turned to Evadne. “That’s why we called her Popsy until she was sixteen...”

“Yes! Thank you, Mummy!” said Hilda. 

Evadne had a hand up, covering her face.

Hilda turned to her and glared. “Shall we get on, _Evadne,_ then?”

Evadne sobered somewhat. “Yes, I suppose we ought to get ourselves sorted out.”

She turned to Maureen. 

“It was… lovely... seeing you again, Mother.” 

“Thank you for the wonderful weekend!” called Hilda to Gertrude.

Gertrude winked at Maureen. “I think that’s our dismissal then. Better let the young folk get on with all their terribly important work.”

Evadne considered Maureen cautiously. “So what _will_ you be doing, Mother?” 

“I honestly don’t know. The world’s my oyster at the moment, my girl.” Maureen turned to Gertrude. “My husband is busy travelling on business at the moment, you see. So I’m at rather a loose end.”

Gertrude held up her hands. “But that gives me a marvellous idea! Why don’t you come and stay with me for a week or so?”

“Truly?” said Maureen.

Gertrude nodded enthusiastically. “I’d love to get to know the mother of Hilda’s best friend a little better. And we’ve got plenty of room. We’re out in the country, in Kent. I’m sure you’ll love it.” 

Maureen beamed. “Well, why not! Thank you so much!” She looked thoughtful. “I’ll just need to go back to my hotel and collect my belongings. Oh, and there’s the hired car to return as well, of course.”

“Well, I’ll meet you outside your hotel in two hours, say? And then we can travel down in my car.” Gertrude grinned. “Perhaps you’d like to drive part of the way?”

Maureen’s face lit up, and Evadne and Hilda exchanged a look. 

“Oh, that would be marvellous.” Maureen took a pen and notebook out of her handbag. “I’ll just note down the address of the hotel and I’ll see you later.”

She scribbled down a few words, tore out the sheet and handed it to Gertrude. 

“There you are! Oh, I’m so looking forward to this!”

She smiled at Evadne and Hilda. 

“Bye then, girls!”

“Yes, bye! And good luck!” said Gertrude.

The two mothers got into their respective cars, and with a wave they departed.

Evadne watched them go with some trepidation. “I think your mother is in more need of luck than us. I hope she knows what she’s getting herself into.”

Hilda nodded. “I just hope she has that car fully insured.” She shook her head. “Still we can’t worry about that now. Time to worry about this wretched production instead...” 

They made their way onto the platform, and Hilda looked about. 

“Now. Who do we have?”

Evadne gestured discreetly. “Well, here’s Dodie coming towards us for a start.”

Hilda glanced over. “Oh, great heavens. What is she wearing? I hope it’s deceased, whatever it is. It’s hideous.” 

“Now, now,” said Evadne staring at the fur stole. “It’s impolite to speak ill of the dead.” She smiled politely. “Dodie! Glad to see you here all ready to go, dear.”

Dodie smiled at them both. “Well, I made sure to allow plenty of time to get to the station. I do so want this production to be a success.”

She smiled shyly at Hilda. 

“I’ve been rehearsing Josephine’s part in my own time. I want to be perfect, just in case—God forbid—that you ever couldn’t go on.”

“Very reassuring, dear,” said Hilda. “But I can assure you you’re unlikely to have to stand in for me on this tour. I’m in fine form.”

“Oh.” Dodie looked somewhat deflated. “Well, maybe one day I’ll go on as the lead.”

“Yes, one day,” said Evadne briskly. “Now, you’d better go and take your seat, Dodie. Not long before the train leaves.”

“Of course, Evadne.” Dodie obediently made her way over to a carriage. 

“Well, that’s your understudy ticked off the list,” said Evadne. “And here comes your tenor.”

Baddesley Ensor stepped up to them beaming. “Not long to the off now! I’m so excited to be touring with you, Miss Bracket.”

“Me too, dear,” smiled Hilda. 

Her smile fell away once Baddesley had moved off again. 

“What I wouldn’t give for another leading tenor. And the sad thing is, he’s the best of everyone we auditioned.”

Evadne shrugged. “We’ll be able to attract someone more accomplished once things pick up.” 

“I suppose so,” said Hilda. She glanced at Evadne. “Anyway, that’s two of the singers. What about your orchestra?” 

Evadne beamed over at the man hurrying towards them. “Well, here’s Boothby at least. I know I can always rely on him.”

Hilda rolled her eyes. “Most musical directors have a first violin. Trust you to have a first cello.”

Evadne ignored her. “Hello, Boothby!” she called. 

“Good morning, Evadne!” Boothby was smiling as he approached. “I think I’ve managed to round up most of the orchestra now.” He stopped and checked his list with a frown. “Though I haven’t been able to locate Freddie Willoughby so you may have to do without a fiddle tonight.”

Hilda raised her eyebrows. 

Evadne shook her head sadly. “This is why I have you as my ‘first violin’, Boothby. That wretched man just can’t be relied on.”

“I’ll just do one last sweep of the pub…” With an apologetic smile Boothby moved off again. 

Evadne looked at Hilda. “Right then. I’ll just check off the rest of the singers. And our crew too.”

She left to walk up and down the platform—speaking briefly to each member of the company, before eventually coming back to Hilda. 

“I think that’s everyone then— Oh, wait.” Evadne sighed heavily. “What about… Maud?”

Hilda’s eyes widened. “Good heavens, I almost forgot, dear. I’ve had a letter from her—Arthur’s finally popped the question. She’s getting married! So she’s staying in Stackton Tressel and won’t be coming back to the company.”

Evadne frowned. “You mean she’s not working out her notice. Leaving us in the lurch just like that.” A smile eased its way across Evadne’s face. “How _marvellous...”_

Hilda shook her head. “You always did get on so well with Maud.”

Evadne looked at her. “Admit it, dear. Things should go a little more smoothly without Maud about. And we really cannot afford to make a mess of this tour.” 

She checked her watch. 

“Speaking of which, I think we’d better take our seats.” 

“Right.” Hilda pointed herself in the direction of the first class carriages.

Evadne cleared her throat. “Er, no. I’m afraid not.”

Hilda turned slowly. “Evadne, please tell me we are not travelling second class.”

“Of course we aren’t,” said Evadne. She furrowed her brow. “There hasn’t been a second class since the 1890s. We’re travelling third class.” 

Hilda drew herself up. “Evadne Hinge, if you think the leading lady of the Rosa Charles Opera Company is going to travel third class, you have another think coming.”

Evadne shrugged. “We simply can’t afford any extravagances at the moment. And we’ve got to consider morale. You’re already off staying in a glamorous castle while we’re in Penzance. How is it going to look if the leading lady and the musical director are travelling in luxury while everyone else is in the cheap seats?”

“Yes, fine,” said Hilda. She shuddered. “Just as long as we’re not right next to the orchestra. All that drinking and shouting.”

“Yes, I can understand you’d want to do that privately,” said Evadne vaguely. 

Hilda glared at her.

“I’m just joking, dear. But the orchestra isn’t quite as bad as you think.” Evadne watched Hilda set off for a third class carriage, and added the rest under her breath. “I’m sure they’ll stick just to the gambling and swearing while we’re travelling.”

She hurried after Hilda. 

 

 

“You know, I’ve never been to Penzance before,” said Hilda as she watched the scenery go past. 

“Me neither,” said Evadne looking up from her book. “Sounds like a nice, quiet place though.”

“Oh, I don’t like the sound of that.” Hilda turned to Evadne. “I prefer a bit of excitement.”

“Well, at the moment what we need isn’t excitement. What we need is to be able to pay the cast and the orchestra, and the rest of the company.” Evadne nodded. “No, this is exactly what we need—nice, quiet, _dull_ Penzance.”

 

 

Once the company had alighted at Penzance station, Evadne looked around for the bus. 

“Ah! There we are. Come along, people!” 

Everyone clambered aboard, chatting merrily, and found themselves a seat. 

Boothby though hung around at the front of the bus looking anxious.

“Are you all right, Boothby, dear?” asked Hilda.

“I’m just wondering what I should do with my cello,” said Boothby. 

Hilda turned to Evadne. “Dear, can you tell Boothby where to stick it?”

Evadne regarded Hilda for a long moment before turning back to Boothby. 

“Just pop it in the space under the stairs, Boothby, dear. And then let’s get on!”

 

 

When they reached their stop in the town centre, Hilda alighted too with the rest of the company. 

Evadne furrowed her brow as everyone sorted out their luggage. “Hilda, I thought you were staying at your Tremorden Castle, or whatever it’s called.” 

“I _am,”_ said Hilda. “But the bus doesn’t go that far out. I was told to go to the boarding house and a car would come to pick me up.”

Evadne sighed. “Well, come on then.”

And with Evadne at their head, everyone made their way to the boarding house—a few unfortunate male members of the chorus press-ganged into carrying Hilda’s luggage.

Evadne collected a list from Mrs. Milne the landlady, read out who was sharing with whom and which room they were having, and everyone but Evadne and Hilda dispersed.

Evadne looked at her companion. “That’s one good thing about you staying somewhere else. It means I’ll get a room to myself for once.” 

“Thank you _very_ much,” said Hilda. She gestured over at her luggage. “I’ll leave my things there till the car comes. And I’ll give you a hand taking your bags up.”

Evadne raised an eyebrow. “Good heavens. You must be feeling guilty about staying at your castle.”

“Just trying to be supportive, dear.” Hilda picked up the far lighter music case and, head held high, started up the stairs. Evadne sighed, picked up her suitcase and followed on after her. 

 

 

Once they reached the small single room, Evadne unpacked while Hilda investigated the furnishings.

She patted a pretty but rather battered bedside table. “I have to say, this is adorable. What a lovely little boarding house. I’m so envious of you all.”

Evadne raised an eyebrow. “Fine. You can share my room instead of going to stay in that grand castle. I’ll ask Mrs. Milne to send up a camp bed.”

Hilda’s answer came extremely quickly. “Obviously I can’t turn down the General’s invitation though. Old friend of my parents and all that. He’d be so offended.”

Evadne hid her smile while Hilda made her way over to the mantelpiece and looked at the clock there. 

“Looks like I’m going to have a bit of a wait before the car arrives.”

She turned back to Evadne.

“I know. Why don’t we have a cream tea together while we’re waiting? I’ve heard great things of the Penzance cream teas.”

Evadne’s eyes lit up. “That might be quite nice, dear.” 

 

 

Downstairs, the dining area was almost deserted. 

Evadne and Hilda had no problems getting a table and a waitress quickly came to take their order of scones, clotted cream, jam and a pot of tea.

“Is it too early in the season for tourists?” Hilda asked the waitress when she returned with their food.

The waitress’s eyes flicked about nervously. “No. It’s…” Her voice dropped. “You know.”

Hilda and Evadne exchanged a look. 

Evadne smiled politely. “No, I’m afraid we don’t.”

“It’s…” The waitress glanced about and, puzzled, Hilda and Evadne joined her in this examination of their surroundings.

The waitress looked back at them, her eyes staring wildly. “...the pirates!”

She scurried away.

Hilda frowned as she watched her go. “That was odd.”

“Yes.” Evadne was frowning too. “Did she say… ‘pirates’?”

Hilda turned to look at her. “It did sound rather like that. But surely there can’t be any pirates round here?” 

“No, I suppose not…” 

Evadne shrugged. 

“Well, come on. Let’s have our tea and then hopefully your car will finally have arrived.” 

 

 

Just as they were sipping their second cup of tea there was a toot on a horn.

“Ah, that must be my transport,” beamed Hilda.

They finished their tea as quickly as possible and made their way outside. A splendid Bentley was waiting and an elegantly dressed chauffeur was politely holding the rear door open for Hilda. 

“I’m Methuen, ma’am—Major-General Stanley’s man. Come to collect you. I’ve already stowed your luggage in the boot.” 

“Oh, thank you, Methuen.”

Hilda got into the car gracefully, and Methuen closed the door and went to take his own place behind the wheel.

Hilda wound down the window and smiled up at Evadne. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the theatre then, dear.”

“Yes, all right,” said Evadne. 

Methuen started the engine, and the car drove off with Hilda waving graciously at the window like a member of the Royal family. 

Evadne sighed and made her way back into the boarding house. 

 

 

After a drive of only perhaps ten minutes, the Bentley approached Tremorden Castle. 

Hilda looked about in utter delight.

There was what seemed to be a ruined chapel. An orchard. A small maze. A fountain! 

And then there was the castle itself, a compact but dignified baronial mansion—two small sets of steps leading up to it, one on the left and one on the right. 

“Good heavens,” murmured Hilda. “This is absolutely splendid.”

Methuen drew up in front of the fountain, and then got out to open the car door for Hilda. 

“Thank you so much.” Hilda stepped out and gazed up at the castle.

Almost immediately an elderly man in a dress uniform came bustling out of the front door. 

“Hilda, is it?”

Hilda nodded with a smile, and the man beamed. He hurried down the steps to his left, and rushed over to Hilda, holding out his hand. “I’m Major-General Stanley—so pleased to have a daughter of old Bracket here.”

Hilda took his hand and shook it. “Well, I’m delighted to be here. Thank you so much for inviting me.”

“A pleasure. Absolute pleasure.” The General turned to Methuen. “Take Miss Bracket’s bags up, will you, old chap? You know which room.”

“Yes, sir.”

Methuen went round to the boot and began unloading Hilda’s luggage, and the General gestured towards the orchard. “Do come and meet my daughters. They’ll be thrilled to know you’ve arrived.”

Hilda followed him over. Amongst the trees, a large group of girls were admiring the apple blossom, playing, or simply sitting and reading. 

“This is my eldest, Edith.” The General indicated a competent and attractive girl who was busy sprinkling fertiliser around the base of the trees. 

“Good afternoon!” called Edith, looking up. 

“And that is Kate.” 

Kate was a tiny blonde, who was talking to an elegant brunette. 

“That’s Julia with her,” smiled the General. 

Both girls halted their conversation and smiled and nodded. 

The General next pointed at a large blonde who was… Well, Hilda hesitated to use the term ‘galumphing’... But anyway, she was running through the trees with perhaps not total grace. 

“That’s Flossie,” said her father fondly. 

He pointed at a dainty girl reading beneath a tree. “That’s Maisie.” 

Her companion, a sensible looking girl, looked up and smiled. “And that’s Isabel,” said the General. 

Another girl came running up, waving excitedly. She came to an abrupt halt, and promptly toppled over.

“Yes…” The General considered her worriedly as Maisie and Isabel hurried to pick her up. “And that’s Millicent.”

Hilda did a quick and discreet count on her fingers. “So… you have one more?”

The General beamed at her. “Quite right. Quite right.” He looked thoughtful. “So the other one must be…”

Edith rolled her eyes, and she and her sisters called out in chorus.

“Mabel!”

Mabel appeared from behind a tree. “Yes?”

Her father smiled at her. “Oh, there you are. I’d like you to meet Miss Bracket, dear. Daughter of a friend of mine, don’t you know?”

Mabel approached and held out her hand. “I’m very pleased to meet you, Miss Bracket.”

“Do please call me Hilda.”

Hilda gazed about. 

“You have such a lovely place here. Thank you so much for allowing me to stay.”

Mabel blushed a little and looked at the General. “Shall I show Hilda her room, then, Father?”

“Certainly, certainly.” The General smiled at Hilda. “Mabel will get you settled in.” 

 

 

The room was set out in perfect taste. 

“Oh, isn’t this lovely!” said Hilda.

“Thank you.” Mabel smiled shyly. “It’s actually my room.”

Hilda’s face fell. “Oh, good heavens. I really didn’t want to turn anyone out of their own room.”

“It’s perfectly all right,” said Mabel. “I’m sharing with Edith while you’re here.” She sighed a little. “We don’t actually have any guest rooms because there are so many of us, and so we don’t often have people to stay. But it is nice to have a guest.”

“Surely you can’t be lonely with all your sisters?” said Hilda in concern. 

“Well, no. But it’s nice to see a fresh face.” Mabel gazed at her. “Especially someone famous like you. It must be so exciting being on the stage! You’re so glamorous!”

“Oh, no…” Hilda giggled coyly. 

Mabel looked down at her feet. “I sometimes wish I had gone on the stage, you know.”

“Oh, yes?” said Hilda. “As an actress?” 

Mabel looked up again. “I sing a little, and dance too. Well, we all do.” She hesitated. “Would you... like to hear us sing?”

Hilda smiled. “I think that would be lovely.”

 

 

The sisters gathered in the sitting room with Julia at the piano.

Hilda fixed a polite smile ready on her face. She was well used to being subjected to the performances of ‘talented’ amateurs and had no wish to hurt the girls’ feelings.

But the song began and Hilda’s smile turned to something far more genuine. The sisters sang so sweetly and tunefully. In fact Hilda would have been happy to have them in the company over some of the female singers they actually had. Charming song too—something about climbing over rocky mountains to reach the sea. These old Cornish folk songs were so evocative.

At the conclusion Hilda applauded wildly. “That was marvellous. You’re so talented.” She looked round at them all. “You really should be on the stage.”

Mabel blushed. “That would be lovely. But of course Father needs us all here, don’t you, Father? You’d never want us to leave you all on your own.” 

“Yes…” The General smiled weakly round at his many, _many_ daughters. “Well, yes, of course.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Hilda was up early in order to get to the theatre. 

“I wonder...” said Edith. She looked around at her sisters—Mabel nodded encouragingly. “Well, we were all wondering if you’d like to come back here for lunch and bring some of your colleagues.”

“To talk about the stage!” said Maisie. 

Hilda smiled at their enthusiasm. “Well, how very kind of you to invite us.” She furrowed her brow. “I’ll bring Evadne, of course. And maybe… six others?” 

Flossie clapped her hands in glee. “Oh, that would be perfect!” 

 

 

Hilda was driven back into the centre of Penzance by Methuen, and then made her way happily to the Pavilion Theatre on foot.

Evadne was waiting outside the stage door in a somewhat grumpy mood and frowned at her. “I see _you_ had a peaceful night then.”

“Well, yes.” Hilda raised an eyebrow. “Why? What did you get up to last night..?”

“Well, I was trying to sleep, oddly enough.” Evadne sighed. “There was a lot of excitement in the night. People running up and down the stairs. When I looked out of my room, I saw most of the staff staring out the window towards the sea. And I could have sworn I heard one of them say ‘It’s the pirates’. This morning everything seemed to have calmed down again though.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. Let’s just get on, shall we?”

They entered the theatre and made their way first to the dressing rooms. 

Evadne examined one. “Doesn’t look too bad.”

Hilda nodded. “Yes, perfectly serviceable.”

They made their way to the stage. 

“And this is fine,” said Evadne, looking around.

Hilda wrinkled her nose. “Bit small, isn’t it?”

“Well, at least we’ll have a full audience.” Evadne walked from one side of the stage to the other. “Yes, this will do.” She looked at Hilda. “And we’re only going to be doing one night here anyway. Then we’re on to the next and we can leave tiny theatres and possible pirates behind us.”

Sudden noise coming up from the dressing room corridor told them the others had started to arrive, and Evadne turned towards the wings. “Right! I’ll round up my musicians, and we’ll start on this rehearsal.”

“And afterwards,” said Hilda following after her, “you, me and a few of the girls have been invited back to the castle for lunch—to talk about how glamorous show business is!”

Evadne rolled her eyes as she exited stage left.

 

 

After the rehearsal, Methuen returned to collect the Rosa Charles ladies for lunch. Dodie was very keen to come, and Sybilla Strang and Beattie Ball too. Elspeth Grassick, Clover Fairgrieve and Dinah Inglethorpe were persuaded to complete the party on the promise of a good lunch. 

Once at Tremorden Castle all the ladies alighted excitedly from the car. Elspeth, Clover and Dinah especially were looking round with wide eyes.

Hilda went up to knock on the castle’s door and Mabel opened it. 

“Hello, Hilda. Hello, everyone!” Mabel smiled over at all the excited new faces. “I’m afraid we’re still getting the lunch ready.”

“Oh, can we help?” called up Evadne. 

“We wouldn’t want our guests to do the work!” said Mabel. She turned to Hilda. “Perhaps you and your colleagues would like to take a walk on the beach?” She pointed to a narrow path at the side of the castle. “My sisters and I will come and fetch you shortly, and then we can have our meal.”

Hilda smiled at her. “All right, dear.”

Mabel disappeared back inside and Hilda, beckoning to her colleagues, began leading the way down to the beach. 

Beattie sang as they went. _“...and we are his sisters and his cousins and his aunts…”_

_“His sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!”_ sang back Elspeth and Dinah. Clover giggled. 

Evadne sighed as they reached the deserted beach, and she gazed around. “It really is a lovely day. Have to say I was looking forward to a sit-down and a cup of tea though.” 

“I’m sure they won’t be long,” said Hilda. “Oh, what a pretty shell!” She stooped to pick it up. 

Dodie put a hand up to her forehead and strained with her eyes.

“I say… is that the Stanley girls coming already?” 

Hilda straightened up, and gazed at the distant throng of people coming towards them along the sand. “Good heavens, no. They’re men.”

“Trust Hilda to be able to spot the masculine form at any distance.” Evadne furrowed her brow and squinted. “It’s not any of our lot, is it?”

“Don’t think so,” said Sybilla. She shrugged. “Our chaps may be disreputable but at least they dress a little better.”

The men were still approaching, now at a trot. Beattie stared at them. “Perhaps they are a theatrical troupe though. They do appear to be dressed as…”

“Pirates!”

All the ladies looked over at where a young woman was standing on a low cliff and waving desperately at them.

“I think that’s Edith Stanley,” said Hilda. She frowned. “I wonder what’s got her so excited.”

Edith waved again and pointed. “Pirates, Hilda! _Pirates!_ Run!”

“Oh, my goodness,” said Evadne. She looked round at her companions. “She’s _serious._ They really are pirates. Come on!”

They set off at a run away from the men, who picked up their speed and charged after them.

“After them!” yelled a deep voice.

It was hard going in the sand and the ladies found themselves losing ground. 

Dodie whimpered and gasped. “They’re catching up! Oh, Hilda—they’re catching up!” 

“Keep going, dear. We’re not done for yet!” 

Hilda glanced behind, not paying attention to the direction she was running in. 

And ran straight into the other half of the pirate band, who had sneaked round in front of them. 

The women were surrounded. 

 

 

They were bundled into a dinghy and rowed out to the nearby pirate ship.

The ladies exchanged anxious looks. 

“Well, at least they haven’t harmed us,” whispered Hilda. “Not really.”

“But how long is that going to last?” whispered back Evadne. 

The boat reached the pirate ship—’The Tarantula’ emblazoned on the side—and a rope ladder was sent down.

“Yes, all right. Don’t push!” Evadne glared at the rather flamboyantly dressed man who was urging her to climb. 

She ignored him and turned to her colleagues. “Hilda, you go up first.”

Hilda paled. “Why me?”

Evadne shrugged. “You are the leading lady, dear.” She leant a little closer. “And we have to take responsibility for the others until we can effect a rescue. I can’t send anybody else up there on their own first.”

“Oh, very well.” Hilda took a deep breath, hitched up her dress as best she could, and began to climb.

Evadne turned to the other ladies. “Clover, Dinah and Elspeth next. And then Sybilla and Beattie. Once I’m sure you’ve all got up safely, I’ll follow on.”

Sybilla frowned. “Really, Evadne…”

“We don’t have any choice at the moment!” said Evadne. “Sybilla, please!”

“Yes, best to listen to this lady,” said the flamboyant man, nodding appreciatively. He smiled tentatively at Evadne as Clover began to make her way up. “Your leadership skills are commendable. You seem… an admirable woman.” 

He turned to a small pirate with an impressive moustache. 

“Wouldn’t you concur, Samuel?”

The small pirate nodded. “Oh, indeed! Indeed!”

There was the sound of agreement from the rest of the pirates.

Evadne smiled awkwardly. “Well… thank you. I think.” 

She waited and watched as her colleagues made her way up. Then once Beattie had reached the relative safety of the deck Evadne started her own ascent.

She reached the deck and strode over to join the other ladies, who were babbling nervously over one another. Behind her the pirates came scrambling up over the side, talking excitedly amongst themselves.

It appeared the ship had been left in the sole charge of a young male pirate and a middle-aged female pirate. Evadne frowned at them. They were talking at full volume, apparently in the midst of an argument. 

“You told me you were beautiful, Ruth!” said the young pirate. He gestured over at the Rosa Charles ladies. “But look—they’re all more beautiful than you. You’re… old! And… plain!”

“Oh, Frederic!” The woman put her head in her hands.

Evadne glared at this Frederic but her attention was distracted by the flamboyant chap.

“Hello? Hello? Can I…” The flamboyant pirate cleared his throat. “Oh, for— Quiet!”

Ladies and pirates alike fell silent and stared at him.

“Thank you!” 

He smiled over at the ladies and gave them a little wave.

“Can I have your attention? Time for introductions and explanations, I think.” He indicated himself. “I am the Pirate King! You may address me as Your Majesty. Or ‘King’ once we get to know one another. And I know you’re probably wondering why we’ve brought you all here. Well, it’s time for us to get married and we’ve chosen you!”

There were gasps amongst the ladies.

_“You’ll_ be all right, dear,” whispered Hilda to Evadne. “They’ll probably just let you go again.”

Evadne gave her a hard look. “Well, you should be very happy here. You’re always telling me how well you get on with sailors.”

They turned their attention back to the Pirate King. 

“And so,” he continued, “we’ll just sail round to a doctor of divinity who resides in this vicinity, get the technical stuff sorted out and get back to sea. Any questions?”

The ladies all stared at him. 

“Excellent,” said the Pirate King. “But obviously we can’t expect you just to marry us immediately. First there has to be wooing!”

“Hurrah!” cried the crew. 

The ladies involuntarily gathered a little closer together.

“What… kind of wooing?” asked Evadne.

The King furrowed his brow. “We’re going to put on a light opera for you, of course. How do they do things on dry land?”

He gestured over at some stuffed sacks. 

“You all sit there! It’s going to be marvellous!”

He strode to the centre of a cleared space. Samuel began distributing sheet music to all the other male pirates, including Frederic. 

The King grinned as he took his music.

“Now, some of us will be playing the ladies’ roles. We can’t expect you to play those while we’re doing the wooing. But once we’re married, part of your duties will be taking the soprano and contralto roles in any operas.”

“I see,” said Hilda faintly. She looked over at the only female pirate, Ruth, who had gone over to a tub and was now vigorously scrubbing shirts. “Will… there be cooking and cleaning too?” 

The King looked puzzled. “Sounds a bit dull, but if you like. Now if you’re ready, we’ll begin!”

They launched with gusto into a song about drinking pirate sherry, and a plot based around being born in leap year began to unfold.

“Are you following any of this?” whispered Hilda to Evadne some minutes in. 

“Seems somewhat eccentric. Catchy melodies though.” Evadne furrowed her brow as she watched half the pirates attempt to abduct the other half. The singing was beginning to be forgotten as the scene edged into fisticuffs.

The Pirate King held up a hand. 

“I think that’s probably enough of that! You’ve seen enough to get the idea. So the only thing left to sort is who is going to marry whom. Every man to a woman!”

All the pirates cheered—

And everyone headed straight for Evadne. 

There was a pregnant pause. 

_“Well!”_ said Hilda finally. “I have never been so insulted in all my life.” 

The King looked around at his men and sighed. “We can’t all marry her.” He pointed at Sybilla and addressed a young man with a parrot on his shoulder. “What about that one for you?”

“She isn’t… as willowy,” said the young pirate shyly. 

“There’s no-one else with such delicate, feminine beauty!” said a tall dandy in a dashing hat.

“No-one with such an air of intelligence,” added a shorter, black pirate. 

“No-one…” A scruffy chap with a half-hearted beard looked Evadne up and down lasciviously. “...with such an air of _authority.”_

“Fine! Fine!”

The King sighed and addressed the ladies again. “Look, it would only engender bad feelings if I were to pull rank and marry the lady myself. And it appears nobody is prepared to marry any of the rest of you…” He threw up his hands. “So we’ll just have to not marry any of you. Try again with a fresh crop as it were. Once we’ve got over the heartbreak.”

He looked about at his crew. 

“Does that seem fair to all of you?”

There was a bit of muttering but the men nodded. 

The King returned his attention to the ladies. “Sorry. I know you must all be disappointed.”

“No, that’s… quite all right,” said Evadne faintly. 

 

 

The pirates rowed the ladies back to shore, Ruth acting as chaperone. 

The Stanley girls were waiting anxiously on the beach for the ladies’ return. They ran away when the pirates’ dinghy got close and secreted themselves behind the rocks, but they still kept a close watch from their hiding place.

The ladies clambered out of the boat, Hilda, Ruth and Evadne being the last, and then the pirates climbed out after them. 

The Stanley girls simply stared at the men. 

And then, as one, they sighed loudly. Mabel in particular was gazing soulfully at Frederic. 

Hilda and Evadne caught sight of them all, peeking over the rocks and exchanged a bemused glance with each other. Evadne shrugged.

They turned back to watch Ruth addressing Frederic. 

“But what is to become of me?” gulped Ruth. 

Frederic shook his head. “I want nothing more to do with you. You lied to me!”

Evadne gave him a very hard look, and impulsively spoke to Ruth. “We could give you a job, if you like. We need a new wardrobe mistress. Our previous one, Maud left to get married and went back home.” She dropped her voice. “Thank God.” 

Ruth gave Evadne a small smile. “Oh, that would be lovely. Thank you.”

“You’re so lucky,” sighed Frederic. “You get to stay with this lovely lady.”

Hilda shook her head in bewilderment, and Evadne gave her a dark look. 

She was distracted though by the King approaching. He took her hand, raised it cautiously to his lips and kissed it gently. 

“So this is goodbye, dear lady...”

“Yes, cheerio then,” said Evadne, taking her hand back. 

“Goodbye for ever!”

“Yes, indeed,” said Evadne, smiling tightly. 

The King clutched his heart. “Farewell!”

“Yes! Bye then!” 

Evadne strode away, leaving the pirates staring sadly after her.

 

 

Eventually the pirates stopped their melancholy gazing and rowed away, so the Stanley sisters were finally able to run out and greet the Rosa Charles ladies.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re safe!” cried Mabel. “We were so worried about you all.”

“We’re perfectly fine,” smiled Hilda. “Thank heavens that’s all done with and we can get back to normal.”

Evadne raised an eyebrow. “I do think at least we ought to go and report our kidnap before casting it behind us, Hilda. There is such a thing as being too professional.”

“Well, yes, I suppose we ought to mention it to the police. You’re quite right, dear.” Hilda turned to Mabel. “Would it be possible to have everyone transported back to the town centre? I don’t think any of us are in a suitable state for lunch any more.”

 

 

Dodie, Sybilla, Beattie, Elspeth, Clover and Dinah made their way back to the Pavilion Theatre and took Ruth with them. Mabel and Edith meanwhile accompanied Hilda and Evadne to the police station. 

Hilda looked round the reception area. “There doesn’t seem to be anyone around.”

Evadne pressed a little bell on the counter. “Hello? Anyone there?”

A policeman popped up from behind the counter.

Evadne jumped slightly but quickly recovered.

“Ah, Constable.” She smiled. “Perhaps I should explain why we’re here.”

“Oh, yes?” said the constable.

“Well, you see, it’s about the pirates.”

“Where?!” cried the constable. He disappeared back behind the desk. 

Evadne and Hilda exchanged a look. 

Hilda approached the counter and looked over. “No, dear. They’re not here. Not any more. But we and our colleagues were kidnapped, you see.”

The constable slowly got to his feet. “My goodness! This is serious business.” He leant forwards. “They didn’t…” He looked about and leant in further. “...marry you, did they?”

“Thankfully, no,” said Hilda. 

Evadne smiled tightly. “They all wanted to marry me, you see. So they decided it would be best if nobody married any of us.”

“But we thought we really ought to report this,” said Hilda. “They’re still keen to find brides!”

“And obviously we want to protect young women from being married against their wills.” Evadne glanced briefly at Mabel and Edith. “Though I suppose hopefully somewhere there are girls who would like to marry them.”

Mabel and Edith perhaps both blushed just a little.

The constable held up a finger. “I’ll take you to see the Sergeant. He’s just taking the rest of the fellows through their dance class.” 

“Dance… class...?” said Evadne. 

The constable nodded. “An hour of ballet and then an hour of tap to follow. A policeman has to keep fit, you know.”

He came out from behind the counter, and led the four ladies down a corridor to an assembly hall.

“...and at ease!” The Sergeant turned and stared at the ladies as they entered. “Ah, Constable! What is this all about?”

The constable leant close. “Pirates, Sergeant.”

“Pirates? And you brought them into the police station?!” The Sergeant tottered and a couple of his constables ran forward to support him. “I would have sworn they were respectable ladies!”

“No! No, Sarge! They are ladies! They were kidnapped by the pirates and they wish to make a report.”

“Oh. Oh, yes, of course.” The Sergeant recovered and waved the constables away. He turned to the rest of his men. “Practise your pliés, boys, and I’ll be back presently.”

He nodded to the desk constable who pottered off to return to his duties, and the Sergeant led the ladies to a far corner and gestured to a barre.

“If you ladies would like to take first position…”

“Oh. Right.” Hilda looked somewhat bewildered but Mabel and Edith cheerfully got into position.

Hilda and Evadne exchanged a shrug and grabbed the barre too, standing in front of the girls with the Sergeant facing them.

“Now, we need descriptions,” said the Sergeant. “So we know which pirates they were.”

Mabel’s eyes were wide. “You mean there’s one than one band of pirates here abouts?” 

“No! No, of course not.” The Sergeant wasn’t making eye contact. “Just one band definitely. No other ships sighted. Definitely not. Wouldn’t want anyone to panic.”

He smiled a little too broadly, and began on his pliés. He gestured to the ladies to join him.

“Now, can you describe these pirates?”

“Well,” said Evadne, bending her knees gingerly. “The leader called himself the Pirate King. Curly hair and a moustache.”

“Shirt open to the waist,” said Hilda dreamily. 

Evadne smiled weakly. “Yes…”

The Sergeant beamed. “Say no more. They are the famous Pirates of Penzance!” He sobered. “You were lucky they took pity on you and let you go. Are you orphans?”

“If only,” muttered Evadne. She addressed the Sergeant. “No, you see, they all wanted to marry me, so they let us all go for the sake of morale. They want to try again with a new batch.”

“Oh,” said Mabel. “So… they are open still to the idea of marriage?”

Evadne glanced back at her. “Once they have all got over me, dear—yes.”

She turned back to the Sergeant.

“So will you be able to arrest them?”

The Sergeant shrugged. “We will certainly look into it.”

 

 

“Well, that was a waste of time!” said Evadne, as they all left the station again.

“Oh,” I don’t know,” said Hilda. “I feel quite warmed up for this evening’s performance now.”

She did a couple of pirouettes as they headed towards the theatre. 

 

 

Everyone else was already at the Pavilion.

“Are you quite all right?” asked Boothby. “Dodie and Sybilla have been telling us all what happened.”

“We’re fine, thank you, dear,” said Evadne.

Hilda smiled. “Just an interesting little adventure to ease the tedium, really.”

“But are you sure all of you are all right to continue with the performance?” asked Boothby.

Hilda gestured airily. “The show must go on.”

“Are you certain you’re quite recovered though, Hilda?” asked Dodie stepping forward. She gave her a hopeful smile. “Perhaps you might like me to go on as Josephine..?”

“Not tonight, Dodie,” said Hilda firmly. She clapped her hands lightly. “Now come on everyone and let’s get ready!”

Hilda went to collect her costumes, and was told they were already in her dressing room with Ruth. She and Evadne went together to see her. 

“Hello,” smiled Evadne. “Are you settling in all right?”

Ruth gave her a small smile in return. “Yes, thank you. Everyone’s being very kind.”

She regarded them anxiously.

“Are you both unharmed though? I must apologise for the pirates. They’re not bad fellows really. In fact, I think they would make good husbands. They’ve just never really got the hang of wooing.”

Evadne winced. “No, indeed…”

“But are _you_ all right?” asked Hilda. “Your young man didn’t treat you very well.”

Ruth smiled ruefully. “Well, perhaps I deserved that a little.” She looked down. “You must think me rather a fool, chasing after a boy young enough to be my son.”

Evadne and Hilda exchanged an awkward look. 

“Well, no, indeed,” said Hilda cautiously. “He’s a grown man after all.”

“I don’t approve of him rejecting you simply because of your age and looks,” said Evadne. “Shows a lack of depth to his character.”

“And it’s not as though you’re not attractive,” said Hilda. “I hope I look half as good as you when I reach your age.” She looked in the mirror and patted her hair. “That is quite a way off, of course.”

“Er… Thank you..?” said Ruth. 

She smiled weakly, and gestured to a side table. 

“By the way, I managed to sort out a few cucumber sandwiches from the local restaurant. Perhaps you’d both like to share them?”

“Oh, how thoughtful!” said Evadne. “Thank you! I must admit I am rather peckish now.” She crossed happily to the sandwiches and selected one.

Hilda smiled. “Yes, it’s so kind of you. I’d almost forgotten myself that we’d missed lunch.”

“Well, taking care of other people is what I do best.” Ruth was looking wistful. “I had rather hoped that one day I might have my very own special someone to look after but now…” She sighed. “I suppose I’d better get on and see if anyone else in the company needs any help.”

Ruth hurried out of the dressing room. 

Hilda sighed sympathetically, and went to join Evadne at the sandwiches. 

 

 

After the show, the General and his daughters came round to Hilda’s dressing room.

“I thought you were just marvellous, Hilda!” said Mabel. “Marvellous! You have such presence on the stage!”

“And the music was just perfect,” smiled Edith at Evadne.

“Oh, I wish it could have been us up there!” cried Kate. 

There was a flurry of agreement from the rest of the girls. 

The General beamed at his daughters’ enthusiasm. He addressed Hilda and Evadne. “You are both most welcome to come and stay with us any time you like. My girls would be only too pleased to see more of you.”

 

 

The next day the company packed up their belongings and set off on the train for their next destination.

“It all seems rather a dream now, doesn’t it, dear?” said Hilda. “Being kidnapped by pirates in Penzance.”

“Yes…” Evadne looked anxiously out of the window towards the sea and gave a small shudder.

But the company arrived safely in Bude, ensconced themselves in their new boarding house and got themselves sorted out for their next performance. With the exception of their new wardrobe mistress Ruth, everything was thankfully back to exactly how it was before.


	3. Chapter 3

“Well, I thought that went very well,” said Evadne as they made their way to the stage door of the Bude Hippodrome.

“Yes, I suppose so.” 

Hilda sighed. 

Evadne gave her a look. “Hilda, what on earth is the matter with you? You’ve been like this since we left Penzance. I for one am relieved that’s all over.”

“And I can understand that, dear.” Hilda shrugged. “But I rather enjoyed the excitement. The rest of the tour is going to be a bit of an anti-climax.”

“Well, I prefer that to the excitement of being married to a whole pirate crew, I have to say,” said Evadne. “I’m just glad that we’ve left them far behind and— Oh!”

Standing outside the stage door was the entire band of pirates from the Tarantula. 

Evadne stared at them. 

Eventually she shook her head. “What on earth are you doing here? I shall call for the police! I shall!”

The Pirate King gave her a cautious smile and held out an enormous bunch of flowers—daffodils, tulips… and seaweed. 

“Do forgive us. But we just couldn’t keep away. Each night we’re sighing…”

“Sighing!” agreed the crew. 

“Weeping!” said the King. 

“Weeping!” chorused the crew. 

Evadne began retreating slowly into the safety of the theatre, trying to pull Hilda with her. “Well, that’s all very well. But I’m certainly not prepared to marry any of you.”

The King took a step forward, an anguished look on his face. “Is it our profession—the piracy? What about if we gave that up? Became ‘respectable’?”

He gestured at the stage door. 

“What if we went into show business too? You’ve heard us sing—you’ve heard our opera. Wouldn’t you say we had talent?”

Samuel came forward to stand beside him. “But Your Majesty, how can we go into show business now the opera has been stolen?”

The King’s face fell. “Ah, yes. I hadn’t thought of that.”

Hilda batted off Evadne’s hand from her arm, and stopped to address the King. “Stolen? How do you mean ‘stolen’?”

The King turned to her. 

“Another band of pirates overheard us performing for you. The pirates of the Gay Buccaneer. And then while we were all accompanying you back to the mainland, they boarded the Tarantula and stole all our copies of the opera!”

Hilda’s eyes widened. “Good heavens. Is nothing sacred?” 

“And they left a gloating message saying they were going to put the opera on as soon as possible and claim it as their own.” The King nodded sadly and heavily at Evadne. “We will just have to find another way to change your mind and win your heart.”

Evadne glared at him. “Now, just wait a minute—”

But Hilda interrupted her.

“Evadne, I’ve had an idea… Why don’t you help these gentlemen to recreate their opera?”

Evadne’s jaw dropped. She stared at Hilda, her mouth agape. Then she took a step closer to her friend. “Hilda Bracket,” she whispered urgently, “I don’t know what you think you’re playing at but I am definitely not—”

Hilda patted her arm. “Just listen, dear,” she whispered back. “You don’t want to be followed everywhere by pirates for the rest of your life, I take it?”

Evadne looked at her. “No.”

“So we’ve got to make them fall in love with someone else. And preferably those someones should feel the same way…” Hilda gave Evadne a slow wink. “So we go back to Penzance with them, you help to rewrite the opera, then we help them to stage it—with a proper female chorus this time. Maybe…” Hilda waved a hand vaguely. “...the General’s daughters might like to take part..?”

A smile began to spread over Evadne’s face. “That might just work, Hilda!” She frowned. “But would the tour be able to go on without us?”

“I’m sure Boothby could stand in for you as musical director, and I—” Hilda held a hand to her heart and took a deep breath. “I am prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice and allow Dodie to go on in my stead.”

Evadne’s eyes widened. “Hilda, I am touched that you’d do that.” 

“I think I must be touched to suggest it.” 

Hilda shook her head, and addressed the pirates. 

“So how about it? Evadne will help you recreate the show and get it on before your rivals. Then you can go straight and give up piracy.”

The King considered Hilda somewhat warily. “But I thought your colleague wasn’t interested in marrying any of us.”

Hilda nodded. “Yes, but she’s offering out of the goodness of her heart. And anyway…” She gestured vaguely. “When it comes to romance, who knows what the future will bring.”

 

 

Boothby looked at Evadne and Hilda worriedly. “Of course I will take over your duties. I am flattered that you think I can do it. But you must understand I have never actually run a company before.”

Evadne held up a hand. “I have every confidence in you, dear. And I am only a telephone call away if you need any advice.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier just to contact the police though?” said Boothby. “Have them arrested for your kidnap?”

“Yes, I suppose it would…” Evadne sighed. “But if they’re prepared to go straight, perhaps Hilda and I should help them.”

“And we’d be helping out the Stanley girls too,” smiled Hilda. “Two birds with one stone—they’ll be going on the stage and getting husbands at the same time!”

Boothby gave a nervous shrug. “Well, if you’re certain I can do it...” 

Evadne smiled. “You’ll be fine, dear.” 

 

 

Back in Penzance, Hilda and Evadne waited in the town centre for the General’s car.

“Are you sure they don’t mind having us both to stay?” asked Evadne. 

“They were somewhat surprised that we were taking them up on their offer so quickly, but they seemed genuinely delighted.” Hilda looked at Evadne. “And I assume you don’t want to be staying in the boarding house now the pirates are staying there?”

Evadne frowned. “I don’t see why they couldn’t just stay on their ship. They’d be well out of my way there.”

“They’d quickly attract attention if they were popping out to sea and back all the time.” Hilda patted Evadne’s arm. “No, with the Tarantula safely tucked away in a hidden cove and the pirates in the boarding house, this way we can pretend they’re just another group of actors.”

Evadne sighed. “And I suppose it will be nice to stay in a castle—it’ll remind me of home rather.” She tipped her head to one side thoughtfully. “With the added bonus Mother won’t be there...” 

Hilda giggled. “Oh, you are terrible.”

 

 

“It is lovely to have you back again,” said Mabel. “You won’t mind sharing a room, will you?”

“Oh, no.” Hilda smiled. “We appreciate you’re rather pushed for space. And naturally we’re used to sharing digs.”

“About that…” Edith furrowed her brow. “Not that we’re not pleased to have you. But why _have_ you come back? Don’t you have your tour to do?”

“Well. You see...” Evadne exchanged a glance with Hilda. “We’ve decided to help out… a group of gentlemen. With their light opera.”

“A group of..?” Edith’s eyes were wide. “It’s not the _pirates,_ is it?”

Evadne hesitated and looked at Hilda. Hilda made a ‘why not?’ gesture with her hands, and Evadne nodded. 

“Yes, it is actually. Well guessed.” Evadne shrugged a little. “I know we should probably have gone back to the police. But I can’t help thinking this is the better course for everyone.”

“Why, yes.” Mabel nodded firmly. “It is the noble thing to do—helping those who have gone astray back onto the path of righteousness.” She gave a shy smile. “Especially the youngest. I’m sure he is not as bad as seems.”

“Would you..?” Edith was not quite making eye-contact. “Would you be needing any help with putting on this show? I’m sure my sisters and I could help with prompting and selling tickets and that sort of thing.”

Hilda smiled at her. “Actually, dear, we were hoping you could help with more than that. We need a female chorus, you see and we were hoping…”

Mabel put her hands to her mouth. “Oh, how exciting! You mean we would all be taking part in the show itself?”

“That would be wonderful, if all your sisters would agree to it.” Hilda waved a hand airily. “You wouldn’t mind mixing with the pirates, would you..?”

Edith shook her head solemnly. “I’m sure we would all cope.”

“Excellent, dear.” 

Hilda beamed at Evadne. 

 

 

“Right,” said Hilda. “The Stanley girls are rounding up local musicians, and I’ll get started on begging for possible props and costumes. You go and get the opera written down, so we can get the rehearsals started as soon as possible.”

“I’ve already arranged to meet the King and Samuel in the sitting room at the boarding house.” Evadne buttoned up her coat. “I really don’t see there being any problem at all there.”

 

 

Hilda had been back only a few minutes herself when Evadne stormed into the room. “It’s useless! It’s absolutely useless!”

Hilda furrowed her brow. “What is, dear?”

Evadne threw herself down into an armchair. “They can’t remember it! Not a note! Not a word! And I can’t remember it either—we were rather under some stress at the time. Musical appreciation was the last thing on my mind. And even if I could remember, they didn’t perform all of it.”

She picked at the arm of the chair.

“As I say, it’s useless. We’ll just have to abandon the idea, and I’ll have to come to terms with being followed around by pirates indefinitely.”

Hilda rolled her eyes. “You shouldn’t give up so easily, Evadne.” She sat down herself, and furrowed her brow. “If they can’t remember the opera… Well, then—we’ll have to get the manuscript back!”

“Eh?” Evadne stared at her. “You mean we just go and steal it back from this other lot of pirates?” She shook her head. “You can’t be serious.”

“But why not?” said Hilda. “It’s a perfect plan. In fact I don’t know why our pirates didn’t just do that in the first place.” She giggled. “Perhaps they needed my genius to see the obvious.”

Evadne frowned. “Well, as long as the pirates agree to it and we don’t have to be directly involved.”

“Oh, no, dear.” Hilda got to her feet. “We’ll have to take part in the raid too.”

Evadne looked up at her. “What?”

“The pirates will do the fighting and we’ll do the searching for the manuscript. We can’t expect them to do both.” Hilda sighed. “And they’re not exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer—we’d have a better chance of finding it.”

Evadne stared at her. “You’re mad, Hilda.”

Hilda raised her eyebrows. “Pirates following you about for the rest of your life, dear..?”

Evadne glared at her, but then sighed. “Yes, fine. Let’s stage a raid on a pirate ship! What could possibly go wrong?”

Hilda smiled. “Come on. Let’s go and talk to the King then.” 

 

 

“...and so you see, that’s the essential plan.” Hilda looked between the King and Samuel. “We all board this other pirate ship—The Gay Buccaneer—then while you and the boys keep them busy in combat, Evadne and I will scour the ship to locate the opera.” 

She glanced at Evadne. 

“It’s bound to be in the captain’s cabin, wouldn’t you say?”

Evadne held up her hands. “I suppose that sounds as likely a place as any, Hilda.”

Hilda turned back to the King. “And there you are! You’ll have your opera back and we can get on with the rehearsals.”

“It does sound like an excellent plan,” said the King. He frowned. “But I’m afraid we can’t. It’s bad form.”

“Bad… form?” Evadne furrowed her brow. 

Samuel nodded. “Attacking other pirate ships and stealing from them. It’s bad form. Just not allowed in the piratical code.”

Hilda exchanged a puzzled look with Evadne and turned back to the King. “But they’ve stolen from you. You’d only be retrieving your own belongings.”

The King shook his head sadly. “Two wrongs don’t make a right. It just wouldn’t be the piratical thing to do.”

Evadne sighed heavily. “So, that’s that then. I suppose it’s for the best, really.” 

“Let’s not give up too easily, dear.” Hilda addressed the King. “Would Evadne and I be allowed to go without you?”

Evadne’s eyebrows shot up. “Hilda! You truly can’t be serious.”

But the King was nodding cheerfully. “Oh, yes. That would be fine. Pirates can attack non-pirates; and non-pirates can attack pirates. That’s all perfectly right and proper.”

“All right then!”

Hilda looked at Evadne. 

“We shall get this all sorted out ourselves.”

Evadne was shaking her head. “Hilda, you really can’t expect us to attack a ship load of pirates.”

Hilda giggled. “Well, no, dear. But I know a group of sailors who can.”

 

 

The Rosa Charles company had only taken the tour of HMS Pinafore as far as Barnstaple. Hilda telephoned Boothby at the theatre, and reported back to Evadne.

“They’ve agreed to come over on Sunday. Boothby, Baddesley and five or six other men from the chorus. They’re all most happy to have a go. Baddesley sounded very excited to be honest. Said we could leave it all to him!”

“Good. I suppose.” Evadne looked at Hilda inquiringly. “So we just need to tell them the plan and let them get on with it?”

Hilda waggled her head a little. “Well… I did think we should stick to the same plan—just using our boys instead of the pirates. That is, we’ll still be the ones doing the searching.”

“Now hang on a minute, Hilda.” Evadne frowned. “Are you honestly suggesting that we put ourselves at the mercy of a group of desperate cutthroats, with only the male chorus of the Rosa Charles Opera Company for backup?” She shuddered. “I don’t even trust them to come in on cue.”

“Well, do you really fancy being trailed by Penzance pirates for the rest of your career?” said Hilda. “One last push and it will be all over.”

Evadne smiled tensely. “That’s rather what I’m worried about.” 

 

 

The Rosa Charles chaps were standing on the beach excitedly swishing their cutlasses. 

Derby Ollersett and Blaxall Bradstock then began a sword fight, while Aldwyn Chalfont and Wimblebury Heath-Hayes compared lengths, and Merton Pinkney and Milford Plate gave their cutlasses a vigorous polish. 

Baddesley, on the other hand, was enthusiastically discussing tactics with Boothby—or rather _at_ Boothby, who nodded supportively with a rather furrowed brow.

Evadne watched them all worriedly. “I hope the pirates are going to be fooled by those fake cutlasses. And don’t you think they’ve rather overdone it with their costumes?” She inclined her head to one side contemplating the frilly shirts, sashes and billowing trousers. “Still—might give us an advantage. The pirates may fall over laughing.” She shook her head. “I just don’t understand why they’re so keen.”

Hilda smiled affectionately at her company. “You know boys—always wanting to be the hero. And play dress up, of course.” 

“They’re not the only ones.” Evadne looked Hilda’s pirate queen costume up and down. “I really don’t think that dress is practical, you know. I would have thought climbing up onto the Tarantula would have taught you frocks and ships don’t mix.” Evadne gestured at her own outfit. “You should have worn bell-bottomed trousers like me.”

“One must have standards,” said Hilda with dignity. “I feel more myself in a dress.”

She smiled at the Pirate King, who was scanning the horizon for the Gay Buccaneer. 

“Thank you for overcoming your scruples enough to allow us to borrow your dinghy, Your Majesty.”

The King looked over at her, and smiled cautiously. “As long as we don’t officially know why you’re using it. I mean, you’re just going for an early evening row, aren’t you?”

Evadne sighed. “Of course.”

Hilda pointed out on the horizon. “Look! There is the other pirate ship!” She turned to her colleagues. “Sssh! Sssh!” 

“Oh!” whispered the King. His face brightened. “I’ve got a song about being quiet! Would you like me to sing it for you now?”

He burst out into _very_ loud song. “Come, friends, who plough the se—!”

Hilda smiled weakly and patted his arm. “No… No, dear. Please. Perhaps later.”

She left him and followed Evadne and the Rosa Charles men into the dinghy, and the chaps began rowing them out. 

The King waved farewell to them all from the water’s edge. 

Evadne waved in return, and shook her head. “This has to be the most ridiculous thing you have ever got me into, Hilda Bracket.”

Hilda looked demure. “You’re the one with fifteen pirates declaring undying love for you, dear.” 

 

 

The chaps made impressive progress. It wasn’t long before the dinghy reached the ship.

“All sounds quiet,” whispered Baddesley.

He threw up a rope with a grappling iron. It caught and he pulled it taut. 

“Up we go then!”

He grasped the rope, put a foot to the hull and began hauling himself up. 

Hilda watched admiringly. “He’s really throwing himself into the part, isn’t he?” 

Evadne nodded. “He may not be much of a singer but you certainly have to admire his physicality onstage.” 

Boothby went up next, followed by the rest of the men. Hilda and Evadne then made their own way up, and found the chaps huddled together at the side of the deck. 

Baddesley put a finger to his lips.

“Just a couple of pirates on guard,” he whispered. “We’ll overpower them, and you ladies can go down and search the pirate captain’s cabin.”

“Yes, all right,” said Hilda. She and Evadne made to go. 

Boothby whispered urgently. “But Hilda! If the pirate captain isn’t up on deck, then he’s probably _is_ in his cabin.”

Hilda and Evadne halted and exchanged a look.

Evadne shrugged nervously. “I suppose we’ll just have to risk that he’s in another part of the ship.” She looked at Boothby. “We’ll be careful. If it looks like he’s in the cabin, we’ll just retreat.”

Boothby nodded. “Break a leg.”

“You too, dear.” Hilda turned to Evadne and gave her a small smile. “Down the hatch, then..?” 

Evadne rolled her eyes, and followed Hilda below decks. 

They made their way cautiously along a narrow passageway. 

Evadne furrowed her brow. “Is that… a gramophone?”

Hilda listened, and then smiled. “Oh, yes—Gertie Millar singing ‘Moonstruck’. You know, I haven’t heard that in years…”

She began humming along, and went into a little dance.

“Hilda!” whispered Evadne. 

But it was too late. A door at the end of the passageway opened, and a tall, elegantly dressed pirate stood before them. Behind him they could see a cabin that was crammed full of other pirates. It appeared a party was in progress. 

“Oh, dear,” said the pirate. “What have we here? Stowaways, perhaps? You’ve caught us doing a little carousing, I’m afraid—just having a few drinkies. Would you like a pirate sherry? Or perhaps a pirate creme de menthe?”

Another pirate came forward. “Cap’n, we really should check up on deck.”

“Of course, of course. It appears we may have been boarded. Off you boys go and I will look after these ladies.”

The other pirates streamed out of the cabin and headed up to the deck.

Hilda’s eyes widened. “Oh, please! Don’t hurt them! They’re not real pirates!”

The pirate captain raised an eyebrow. “Well, this is all most intriguing.”

He called after his men. 

“Detain these boarders but don’t injure them. I shall inquire from these delightful ladies just what on earth is going on.” 

He turned back to Hilda and Evadne, smiled and bowed. 

“Firstly, my name—” The captain made a grand flourish. “—is Pegleg Prospero!”

Hilda and Evadne couldn’t stop themselves from glancing at his legs. They exchanged a look. 

“Yes, well, obviously, I don’t have a pegleg,” said the captain, beaming. “But you need a proper pirate name, don’t you?”

“So what’s… your real name?” asked Hilda furrowing her brow. 

“Hilda!” muttered Evadne. She jabbed her friend in the ribs with her elbow. 

The captain held up a hand. “No, I don’t mind. My name is Nunton Odstock.”

Hilda and Evadne stared. 

The captain nodded. “Quite right. You can’t be called Nunton Odstock if you’re a pirate. No matter how splendid a name it is.”

“I see what you mean.” Hilda looked doubtful. “But I’m not sure I could call you Pegleg Prospero.”

The captain smiled pleasantly. “I’m sure I could allow such a charming lady to call me Nunton, if you prefer.”

Hilda smiled back. “Oh, yes. That’s much better.”

Evadne was shaking her head in disbelief. “Hilda! This isn’t one of your society get-togethers. Will you please try and remember where we are.” 

“Yes, actually—why are you here?” Nunton raised an amused eyebrow. “Are you after jewels? Gold?”

“No. No, dear.” Hilda smiled. “We simply want you to return the light opera you stole from the pirates of the Tarantula.”

Nunton furrowed his brow. “You risked life and limb for an opera?” 

Evadne smiled weakly. “Well, it’s a bit of a long story. You see—”

She paused and considered Nunton warily. 

“You haven’t suddenly fallen madly in love with me, and want desperately to marry me, do you?”

Nunton regarded her with bemusement. “Despite your many delightful attributes, I have to say no.”

“Well, when it comes to pirates you seem to be in the minority.” Evadne shook her head. “At the moment I have several pirates desperate to win my hand. But if we help them to put on their wretched opera, and introduce them to some new girls for the chorus…”

“Ah!” said Nunton. “I get your drift. And I do sympathise. But I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

Evadne clenched her jaw. “But why?” 

“We can’t give it back because we want to go straight too, you see.” Nunton shrugged with a smile. “I’ve got somewhat tired of the cut and thrust of the piratical world recently. And the men and I must have a hit, so we can support ourselves.”

Hilda had been looking thoughtful. She now held up a finger. “Well then, what about this? If you do give the opera back to the Tarantula pirates, Evadne will write a hit for you too!”

Evadne turned to stare at Hilda. “Now, wait a minute…”

Hilda got closer to Evadne. “Pirates. After you. _Forever.”_

Evadne sighed in resignation. “Fine. Fine!” 

Nunton furrowed his brow. “You know, that might work.” He smiled at them. “Yes, I’ll agree to hand over the opera if you write one just as catchy.” He chuckled. “It really is awfully good.”

He went over to a desk, unlocked a drawer and pulled out a sheaf of papers.

“There you are!”

“Thank you!” said Evadne. She clasped the papers to her bosom in relief. 

“And how will we contact you, to let you know when your opera is ready?” asked Hilda.

Nunton frowned. “Well, I suppose…”

He was interrupted at that moment by his men dragging in the unfortunate Rosa Charles chaps, who were struggling vigorously against their captors. 

Nunton gave them a friendly smile. “Ah! Our faux-pirates I take it! Now you mustn’t worry, my dear fellows. I’ve just been sorting things out wi—”

He abruptly broke off. 

Hilda and Evadne looked at him curiously. Nunton was staring straight ahead—with a very soppy smile and the look of a man hearing sweet music. Certainly sweeter than Moonstruck, which was just coming to an end on the gramophone. The ladies followed his gaze—and it led over to a lightly-blushing Boothby, who was gazing back at Nunton with what seemed to be an equally soppy expression. 

There was a very long pause.

Evadne cleared her throat. “Er, so how would you like us to contact you, Nunton?”

Nunton came back to himself with a start and turned to Evadne. “Ah. Yes. Well, you know…” He glanced over briefly at Boothby again. “I think my men and I might all come back to the mainland with you.” He smiled awkwardly. “Just… to keep an eye on things, you know.”

Evadne gave him a weak smile in return. “Wonderful.”

 

 

Back on dry land they all headed for Mrs. Milne’s. The Tarantula pirates were overjoyed to be reunited with their opera, and were surprisingly gracious about the Gay Buccaneer pirates being booked into the boarding house too. Hilda and Evadne stood the members of the Rosa Charles a restorative cup of tea in the dining room, and then it was time for everyone to be on their way.

“We’d better see if we can sort ourselves out a taxi back to the castle, Hilda.” Evadne turned to the chaps. “And you’d better get moving too. The last bus back to the station will be going soon.”

Hilda smiled at them all. “Thank you again for doing this. We’re both so grateful.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world!” called Baddesley. “What an adventure!” 

“Hear, hear!" called Milford Plate, and this was echoed by the rest of his smiling colleagues.

The men started to drift out. 

However, Boothby remained hovering.

Evadne furrowed her brow. “Is everything all right, dear? Is there anything I need to know about the tour and the company?”

“Oh, no. Everything’s going very smoothly indeed.” Boothby smiled cautiously. “But I’ve been thinking. Perhaps I should stay in Penzance with you. You might need my assistance—with recreating the first opera, and with rehearsals. And then actually putting on the performances.” He shrugged very casually. “I mean, would it be worth me going now, when you’d only have to call me back again?”

Hilda looked across at Evadne. “That does make sense, dear.”

Evadne appeared doubtful. “But what about the running of the Rosa Charles? We can’t abandon it completely.”

“I could safely leave things in Freddie Willoughby’s hands,” said Boothby eagerly. “He’s been behaving himself, and he’s perfectly competent when he’s sober. I’ll send a message back with Baddesley now, and then I’ll telephone Freddie in the morning to discuss things properly.” 

Boothby looked almost pleadingly at Evadne, and she held up her hands.

“Yes, all right! I suppose that’s fine. You’d better come back to the castle with us then. I’m sure the General could fit you in somewhere.”

Boothby hesitated. “Actually… I think I would be fine staying here at the boarding house. I wouldn’t want to put the General out, you know.”

Evadne frowned. “Well... If you’re sure.”

Boothby gave her a broad and happy smile in return. 

 

 

Hilda and Evadne found a taxi, and made their way out to the castle. 

“So we’ve managed to double our pirates,” sighed Evadne, slumping in the backseat. 

Hilda turned to look at her. “Oh, don’t make such a fuss. We’re making progress!”

Evadne glared back at her. “You’re not the one who’s going to be running rehearsals during the day, and then having to write a hit opera in the evenings!”

“Did you honestly think I would leave you to do all the work? We will do it between us, dear.” Hilda nodded once, firmly. “You’ll write the music and I will write the lyrics. We’ll be a perfect team. And I shall take the female lead in both operas.” 

She looked sympathetically at Evadne.

“Truly, dear. We can do it!”

 

 

They were now a few days into rehearsals for the Tarantula pirates’ opera.

“Evadne!” said Hilda, hurrying into the orchestra pit of the Pavilion. “I’ve just been talking to Boothby and he’s had the most marvellous idea!”

Evadne smiled at her enthusiasm. “Oh, yes?” 

“Yes! Well, you know the pirates have been calling the opera ‘The Slave of Duty’. But Boothby thinks they should call it instead…” Hilda held up her hands for emphasis. “...’The Pirates of Penzance’! Take advantage of all the publicity about them.”

Evadne frowned. “Is that wise, dear? Actually announcing to the world their real identity?”

Hilda winked slowly and tapped the side of her nose. “It’s the perfect double bluff. No-one’s going to believe real pirates would be silly enough to reveal themselves like this.” She craned her neck and looked up onto the stage. “I want to see what the King thinks. Have you seen him recently?”

“I have indeed!” 

Evadne beamed at Hilda. 

Hilda raised an eyebrow. “You’re looking rather cheerful about the man all of a sudden.” She leant somewhat closer. “You’re… not starting to change your mind about him, are you?”

Evadne rolled her eyes. “Of course not.” Her smile returned. “But I’ve got good news. I do believe the pirates are beginning to take an interest in the Stanley girls. Just a little. The King was mooning over me today while I was trying to polish his arpeggios, but when Flossie walked by he stared at her—just for a moment!”

“How wonderful...” Hilda looked thoughtful. “Perhaps we just need to give them a little push then, to get things moving along. We could gather them together socially, so they can get to know one another properly.”

“Up at the castle, you mean?” said Evadne, nodding.

“I thought maybe at the boarding house.” Hilda gave a little shrug. “Invite everyone for a cream tea?”

Evadne smiled. “I think that might be rather nice.”


	4. Chapter 4

Hilda, Evadne and Boothby stood together in the dining room, admiring their hard work. Hilda and Evadne had paid for the food and the use of the room, but the floral and paper decorations were solely down to the three of them.

“It looks lovely!” said Hilda. “I really think this will do the trick to get the ball rolling.”

She smiled over at the King and his men as they began to enter the room. 

Her face fell somewhat though as she saw who followed them.

“Er,” said Boothby. “Did you mean the other band of pirates to come too?”

“Well, no.” Hilda smiled weakly. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have put up a sign in the hallway saying ‘Everyone welcome!’” 

“Oh, Hilda!” Evadne frowned at her. “Well, we’ll just have to make the best of it.” Her eyes widened. “Here come the girls now—I’ll try and make sure they spend most of the time with the Tarantula pirates. Boothby, you do your bit—go and talk to Nunton.”

“Well, if I have to…” said Boothby, extraordinarily casually.

Evadne gave him a puzzled glance but turned her attention to her own hostess duties.

 

 

An hour later great inroads had been made into the refreshments. Boothby and Nunton were deep in conversation, the Stanley sisters were chatting with the Gay Buccaneer pirates while casting longing looks at the Tarantula pirates, and the Tarantula pirates were huddled around the walls casting tentative looks at the girls. 

Evadne sighed heavily. “This is hopeless! There’s definitely a mutual attraction but Edith and her sisters seem to have been too well brought up to make the first move themselves. And once you’ve ruled out abduction and musical theatre, the pirates seem to be at a complete loss when it comes to courtship.”

She shook her head. 

“At least the Gay Buccaneer pirates don’t seem to be romantically interested in the girls.”

Hilda smiled awkwardly. “Well, yes. I rather think they might prefer… chaps.”

Evadne’s eyebrows rose considerably. “Chaps?”

Hilda nodded. “I overheard Nunton asking Boothby if he might like to get together with him to have a cup of grog sometime.”

“Good heavens.” Evadne smiled over at the two of them. 

Hilda patted her arm. “Listen, Evadne. Perhaps we need a different approach to getting your pirates married off. What about… my mother?”

Evadne turned back to Hilda. “Well, I would be grateful if she made the sacrifice, but I thought she was already married to your father.”

Hilda waved a hand. “I meant she might be able to help, dear. She’s a marvel when it comes to matchmaking.”

Evadne gave Hilda a sideways look. “I can’t help but notice, dear, that you and your brother are still single.”

“Well, Mummy knows better than to interfere there.” Hilda smiled. “No, really, Evadne. It’s a marvellous idea of mine. I’ll telephone her immediately!”

“Well, all right…” Evadne turned slightly to look at the Tarantula pirates. As one, they turned to her too and sighed deeply. Evadne rolled her eyes and turned back to Hilda. “Anything to get these idiots married and no longer interested in me.”

“Don’t worry, dear.” Hilda winked. “It’s all going to go splendidly.” 

 

 

The little sports car drew up outside the castle—and two middle-aged ladies alighted. 

Evadne looked at Hilda in horror. “She’s brought my mother with her! Oh, Hilda!”

Hilda smiled weakly and shrugged. “Sorry. Maureen was still staying with her and Mummy could hardly tell her not to come too.”

“I should have paid attention to my gut reaction.” Evadne shuddered. “This is going to be an unmitigated disaster. Mother will flirt shamelessly with the pirates and ignore all the girls. She won’t help at all in getting them together.”

“Hello, Hilda! Evadne!” Gertrude was striding towards them beaming.

“Hello, Mummy,” smiled Hilda.

“Hello, Gertrude. _Mother.”_ Evadne gave Maureen a dark look.

“Well, nice to see you too, dear,” said Maureen. “Though I have to say I was expecting perhaps a slightly warmer welcome, considering Gertrude and I have spent the best part of an entire day driving here to assist you.”

Hilda jumped in before an argument could develop. “Yes, and we are so grateful to you both.” 

She looked between Maureen and Gertrude. 

“Now, obviously it’s a bit of a full house but the General has managed to fit you both in here. As I said on the telephone, naturally you wouldn’t want to be staying in the town with all the pirates.”

“Well—” said Maureen.

Evadne glowered at her.

“—of course not,” said Maureen. “I am a married woman.” She smiled sweetly at Evadne. 

“So if you’ll follow me…” Hilda led Maureen and Gertrude up the steps towards the front door.

Evadne sighed at the luggage in the back seat of the car and began gathering it together.

“So you want me to work my magic in getting the pirates and the girls together?” said Gertrude to Hilda once they were inside.

Hilda’s eyes darted about the entrance hall. “Yes. But keep your voice down, Mummy!”

Gertrude rolled her eyes. “All this subterfuge! I got your father to ask me to marry him a week after meeting him.”

“Yes, well,” said Hilda. “Not everyone is as outgoing as you.” 

Evadne now entered, carrying the luggage. “Do you think it will take long to get the pirates courting the girls, Gertrude?”

“Ah, yes.” She smiled at Evadne. “You’re keen to escape their attentions, aren’t you? But don’t worry—I have lots of plans. You two will just have to subtly suggest them to the pirates...” 

 

 

The first plan was a walk along the beach.

“You tell your cast they all need fresh air for their singing. And, well, it’s only polite for a gentleman to accompany each young lady.” Gertrude grinned. “Walking will lead to conversation, and conversation will lead to the development of warmer feelings!”

 

 

Two hours later Evadne and Hilda were back.

Gertrude looked at their faces. “Oh. I see it didn’t work then...”

“I’m afraid not,” said Evadne.

Hilda smiled weakly. “The pirates started making a huge sandcastle to impress Evadne and the girls, and then they got so caught up in it, they completely forgot about them. The girls pottered off to play French cricket.”

“Never fear,” said Gertrude. She winked. “I’ve plenty more ideas.” 

 

 

The castle’s drawing room table was absolutely packed with flowers. 

“I’ve had them sent over as a special order from my florist’s,” said Gertrude. “Hilda, you can pretend you have received them from your own admirers, and suggest the pirates might like to take them and give them to whomever they like!” 

“Let’s try it!” beamed Hilda.

An hour later the drawing room was empty of flowers. 

And Evadne’s half of the bedroom was full of them. 

Gertrude smiled apologetically at a somewhat disconsolate Evadne. “Yes, perhaps I should have seen how this was going to go...”

“We’ll donate them to the local church,” sighed Hilda. 

“Never say die,” said Gertrude. “Another go! Serenading!”

 

 

“You look tired,” said Boothby at the theatre the next day. 

“We had those wretched pirates serenading outside our window all night.” Evadne glanced at Hilda. “I blame you for this. Your mother is just making everything worse. The pirates are embracing the ideas but they’re still trying to court _me.”_

“They do seem to be having a hard time letting go of their obsession.” Boothby shrugged. “But I think the girls and boys just need to spend a bit more time in each other’s company, that’s all. That’ll soon allow love to bloom.” 

He gazed dreamily off into the middle distance. 

“It’s working for me…” He came back to himself with a start. “I mean, that _would_ work for me. Probably. If I knew a pirate— No! I mean, if I knew a—” He smiled weakly. “I’ll just go and see if all the musicians are here!”

Boothby dashed off. 

Evadne rolled her eyes, and Hilda giggled.

 

 

“So what next?” said Evadne that night. They had all had dinner with the General and the girls and then reconvened in Hilda and Evadne’s room.

Gertrude glanced at Hilda and sighed. “I really think I might be out of ideas, darling.” 

Maureen grinned. “Och, you were always going about this the wrong way, Gertrude.” 

“Mother, please!” said Evadne.

But Gertrude only grinned back. “Come on then, Maureen. How would you do it?”

Maureen shrugged. 

“We simply need to try another angle...” 

 

 

The following day Maureen accompanied Evadne and Hilda to the rehearsal. 

She winked at Evadne. “Watch and learn, dear. Watch and learn.” 

And she boldly approached the King.

“My, my,” smirked Maureen. “What a splendid outfit, young man.”

The King looked up at Maureen cautiously. “Oh. Thank you.” 

“I was wondering if you might like to go for a stroll. Get better acquainted. Talk about—” Maureen batted her eyelashes and dropped her voice seductively. “—marriage? I believe there’s a doctor of divinity somewhere about.”

The King had utter terror on his face. He cast about wildly. “Well, of course I’d love to but—”

Flossie abruptly strode forward. “But I’m afraid the King is needed elsewhere.” She smiled at him. “If you’d follow me, Your Majesty?”

The King stared at her, as if for the first time. “Anywhere, madam.”

The two young people disappeared off together and Maureen turned to wink at Evadne. “One down, seven to go…” She sauntered off.

Hilda giggled and Evadne shook her head with a small smile. “Bravo, Mother. Bravo.”

 

 

Evadne smiled out of the boarding house’s sitting room window at the pirates and their girls walking slowly arm-in-arm down the promenade. They were all staring deeply into each other’s eyes—even occasionally stumbling into the railings rather than look away.

Evadne shook her head and came back to where Hilda was sitting making her way through several sheets of handwritten paper. 

“So that’s that sorted out then, thank heavens! All the pirates are completely smitten—even the ones left over when the Stanley sisters had made their choices seemed to have been encouraged enough to find themselves lady friends from the local church choir.” Evadne sighed happily. “The sheer relief of knowing the pirates don’t want to marry me any more! Even the fact the General has invited our mothers to stay on can’t upset me!”

Hilda finished making a note on one of the sheets and glanced up with a frown. “Oh, don’t be so mean, dear—look at it from the poor General’s point of view. He’s really enjoying having people his own age to stay.” She shrugged. “It must be hard for him living in a household full to the brim of energetic young things.”

“Well, his problems will soon be over.” Evadne raised an eyebrow. “Wedding bells for his offspring are only a matter of time, surely.”

“Oh, I think they’re a certainty.” Hilda set down her pen. “And here’s another problem almost sorted out!” She lifted her sheaf of papers in triumph. “I’ve finished the final revision of my lyrics for Nunton’s opera!”

“How wonderful...” Evadne took the papers from her and started leafing through them. She laughed a little as lines caught her eye. “You know, I wasn’t sure at first about your idea of a milliner trying to come up with the perfect hat and finding love along the way. But I have to say it’s worked out very well.”

“And your melodies are delightful, dear.” Hilda smiled. “I really think our little ‘Bowl Me Over in Your Bowler’ has the makings of a huge hit.”

Evadne gave a modest shrug. “I’ll go and fetch Nunton and he can come and listen to it. Hopefully he’ll approve and then that’s another thing off our list.” 

 

 

Nunton in fact agreed to take part in the sing-through. _“...and in your pretty little bonnet, you’ll always have my heart…”_

_“And your bowler bowled me over, right from the start!”_

Hilda’s line completed both song and opera, and Nunton applauded vigorously. 

“Splendid! Splendid!” He turned to Evadne. “Thank you so much to both of you. It’s a wonderful piece of work. I’m so impressed with your talent.”

Hilda beamed. “I have to say I’m very impressed with yours too.” She glanced at Evadne. “Perfect dramatic tenor.”

Evadne nodded. “Quite perfect.” She smiled at Nunton. “I’m so pleased you’re happy with the opera. So, now in a month or two we can think about starting rehearsals with you and your men.”

Nunton frowned. “But… I’d like to put it on immediately. The chaps are getting restless and are thinking about going back to our old way of life.”

“But we’re still busy with the other opera, dear,” said Hilda. “We’re just about to start putting on the performances.”

“Oh, yes. Of course.” Nunton looked most downcast. 

Hilda and Evadne looked at each other.

“I suppose… we might be able to manage,” said Hilda. “There’s a church hall, I think. Perhaps we could book that. And split the musicians we already have between the two operas.”

Evadne looked doubtful. “But what about another female chorus?” 

“The ladies from the church choir?” said Hilda.

Evadne shook her head. “From what the Tarantula pirates have told me, those girls all have paid employment. They couldn’t just abandon it. It’s not like the Stanley girls’ situation.”

“But then… couldn’t Hilda and the Misses Stanley do both operas?” Nunton was now looking hopeful.

Evadne stared at him. “Both shows? I really don’t think—”

Hilda held up a hand. “We are troupers, dear. Let me see what I can do.” 

 

 

Back at the castle, Evadne watched Hilda as she read through both operas. 

“Hilda, I really don’t think it’s feasible. Doing one show and then going on to do another immediately another? We and the girls would be up most of the night. And would an audience come to see a performance starting so late anyway?”

Hilda pointed excitedly to the operas and patted Evadne’s arm. “But look—we wouldn’t have to do them consecutively. We could do them concurrently.” 

“What?” Evadne took the operas and flicked through them, frowning at where Hilda had left notes. 

“It would take some working out,” said Hilda, “and you’re the best person for that. But look—the female chorus in both operas aren’t on for every scene. And comparing the sections of the operas—when they’re on in one, they tend to be off in the other! If the two shows are staged close together, and we time it to the last second…”

Evadne looked up and stared at her. “Hilda, you’re mad. It can’t be done.” 

“Says the woman who has survived kidnap by pirates, retrieved a stolen opera and then written another opera in record time.” Hilda beamed at her. “Come on! We’ve managed more impossible things. Remember The Ring Cycle in Crewe?”

Evadne shuddered. “Vividly.”

“Well, this will be easier and a great deal more fun.” Hilda smiled. “Come on. What do you say?”

“All right…” She held up a hand as Hilda began to bounce excitedly. “I’ll consider it. But we need to speak to the Stanley girls first.”

“Oh, I’m sure they’ll help!!” said Hilda. “And of course, we’ll need a dresser for the quick changes too. I’ll get in contact with Ruth—see if she’ll come back to assist us.” 

 

 

They reached their opening night. Their _two_ opening nights. 

Hilda was rubbing her temples. “Evadne, you were right. I must have been mad. Why on earth did I think this was ever going to be a good idea? Of course this isn’t going to work.”

“You are not getting out of it now, Hilda Bracket.” 

Evadne tapped her clipboard. 

“We can do this. I have got it down to the last second.”

Hilda threw up her hands. “But I’m an artiste, not a long distance runner!”

“You don’t need to run, Hilda.” Evadne shrugged minutely. “Just… hurry.” 

“It’s all very well for you to say that,” said Hilda. “You’ll be staying in one place.”

“It will be fine, dear. I have every confidence in you, and in the Stanley sisters.” Evadne smiled as Ruth approached. “And in our dresser too, of course!”

Hilda looked at Ruth sympathetically. “How is it going, dear? Being back again.”

Ruth smiled. “Oh, it’s lovely thank you. Must admit I’d been a little homesick, away on the tour.”

“Yes, but…” Hilda smiled cautiously. “How is it… seeing Frederic? Now he and Mabel… Well.”

Ruth’s smile faltered a bit. “Actually, I think being away from him helped me to put things in proportion somewhat. I mean, I know it would never have worked. It’s all for the best really!”

She hurried off, and Hilda watched her go. “Poor Ruth…”

“Yes, indeed.” Evadne sighed. “But we’ll have to worry about that later. Time to take our positions, I think.”

 

 

‘The Pirates of Penzance’ had begun well and now the female chorus had made their first exit from the stage at the Pavilion Theatre. 

“Excellent, ladies!” said Hilda. “But there’s no time to relax. Here we go with the changing of the bonnets!”

Ruth was there waiting for them with a tableful of brightly-coloured bonnets, bedecked in fruit and feathers. “Here you are! That’s Hilda’s, that’s Mabel’s...” 

She rapidly handed out all the fresh headgear, taking the old, more restrained ones in exchange. 

“Thank you so much, dear!” 

Hilda started to guide her chorus towards the stairs. 

“Now on we go to the church hall. But descend carefully, please!”

Once they were all outside Hilda checked her watch and sighed. “Blasted Evadne. Won’t have to run indeed!”

She addressed Mabel and her sisters.

“Come on, girls!”

And with Hilda leading the way, they all headed in the direction of the church hall at the gallop.

The vicar was just coming out of the church, and raised his eyebrows as the ladies charged past, each one sporting rather flamboyant headwear.

He glanced up at the heavens inquiringly for a moment and then moved on. 

 

 

The orchestra had been playing the same few bars over and over for quite some time now. Nunton did a couple of light dance steps to bring him closer to the edge of the stage. He glanced down at Boothby, gave him a small smile and made a discreet gesture to keep going, and then moved stage left towards the wings. 

“Any sign?” he whispered urgently. 

The pirate stage manager shook his head. 

Nunton sighed and made his way to the back of the stage. 

At this point, the ladies abruptly shot on from stage right. 

Nunton grinned in relief and gave them a discreet thumbs-up. 

Hilda gave a thumbs-up in return, and the ladies’ chorus went into their song. 

 

 

Hilda had done two curtain calls and was now back in her dressing room at the Pavilion Theatre, Ruth helping her out of her frock.

“There you are. I told you you could do it,” smiled Evadne. 

“Well, I am a professional,” said Hilda. She stepped out of the frock and her shoulders slumped. “I’m absolutely exhausted though.”

Ruth went off to hang the costume up with the others. Hilda slipped into her dressing gown and gratefully sat down.

“So… you’re too exhausted to receive your adoring fans?” asked Evadne.

Hilda sat up straighter. “Oh, I think I could just about manage.”

Evadne gave her a small smile. “What a surprise, dear.” 

She went over to open the dressing room door. 

And stiffened somewhat when she found the Sergeant of Police and apparently all of his constables waiting there.

The Sergeant beamed. “May we come in?” He called over to Hilda. “You were wonderful, Miss Bracket! We had to come round to tell you!”

There was a jumble of noisy compliments from the constables and Evadne began to relax. “So you’re not here on official business then..?”

“Oh, well, yes. That as well,” said the Sergeant. “Of course we need to talk about your kidnapping too.”

Hilda and Evadne tensed. 

“Yes..?” said Hilda airily. “Any progress on… finding the pirates?”

“I’m afraid not,” said the Sergeant, deflating somewhat.

Hilda’s face cleared. “Oh!” She rearranged her features into something more solemn. “Oh, what a shame. Yes, it must be so difficult to track pirates down.”

Ruth chose that very moment to reappear at the door of the dressing room. She paused at the sight of all the policemen but nodded politely before addressing Hilda and Evadne. “Is it all right if I get back to the boarding house now?”

Hilda looked at Evadne and jerked her head towards Ruth. “Yes, it is late. Perhaps you’d both like to be getting on.”

Evadne’s eyes widened. “Oh, yes. Yes, of course.” She hurried over to Ruth and began ushering her away.

“But who is this lady?” The Sergeant was staring intensely at Ruth. 

Evadne and Ruth froze. “Er,” said Evadne. “Nobody! I mean, Ruth is Hilda’s dresser. Nobody important.”

The Sergeant frowned at Evadne. “I hardly think she can be said to be unimportant.” He addressed Ruth directly. “May I… escort you back to the police station?”

Ruth’s expression turned wary. “The… police station?”

“Well, yes.” The Sergeant furrowed his brow. “You’re staying nearby at Mrs. Milne’s boarding house, I take it? And with pirates around the place, I wouldn’t like to think of such a delightful lady coming to harm.”

“Oh, I see. Well, thank you. Yes, that would be lovely.” Ruth smiled awkwardly but genuinely, and left with the Sergeant, his men clattering on behind in procession.

Hilda watched them go, and then turned to Evadne with a smile. _“Well.”_

Evadne smiled too. “Perhaps there’s a chance of Ruth getting over Frederic after all.” 

 

 

The Sergeant began to pop round quite regularly after that. 

Hilda laughed as they bumped into him yet again as they came out of the stage door. “How many times have you seen the shows now?”

The Sergeant waved a hand airily. “Oh, only about twelve times for ‘The Pirates of Penzance’, and eleven for ‘Bowl Me Over in Your Bowler’. Wouldn’t do to get obsessed.” 

His expression turned bashful. 

“I’ve brought flowers.”

“How lovely!” said Hilda, reaching out.

“For Ruth,” said the Sergeant, looking down shyly.

“Oh.” Hilda looked most put out, while Evadne attempted not to grin. “She’s over there with the gentlemen of the chorus.”

The Sergeant glanced over at where the pirates were signing autographs for a large, enthusiastic crowd.

He looked back at Hilda. “You know, it’s been niggling away at me all this time. They look so familiar but I can’t place them. What else have they been in?”

Hilda smiled weakly. “This is their professional debut. They’ve never been anything so far but… well… pirates.”

The Sergeant’s eyes widened. “Of course! Why on earth haven’t I seen it before!”

He looked over at the pirates again and turned back to face Hilda and Evadne’s panicked expressions. 

“You’ve picked performers who actually resemble the real pirates!” The Sergeant nodded in appreciation. “How charmingly daring!” 

“Yes…” said Hilda weakly. “Isn’t it?”

A short distance away, a man and a woman in the middle of the crowd exchanged a significant look. 

 

 

A few days later there was much excitement. 

Ruth rushed into the Pavilion’s backstage area after the performance, startling everyone. She was vigorously waving a newspaper.

“Look!” She thrust the newspaper at Evadne. “There’s a review! In a _national_ paper!”

“Good heavens…” Hilda came over to have a look too. “I didn’t think any critics would take notice this far away from London.”

Evadne began to read out the highlights: _“...a most excellent new light opera, ‘The Pirates of Penzance’. Came away humming the entire score… High standard of performance… Must give a special mention to P. King who played the Pirate King!”_

“Oh, I say!” The King clasped his hands together as everyone slapped him on the back. “It’s all so…” He gulped and dashed outside.

Hilda shook her head affectionately.

“We’re a hit!” Evadne beamed round at everyone, and then rummaged in her handbag. “I’ve got a bottle of my homemade beetroot wine somewhere…” She looked up and smiled at Ruth. “Could you see if you could rustle up some glasses?”

“Right-oh!” beamed Ruth. 

Soon everyone was chatting happily, and drinking out of a variety of tumblers, vases, toothglasses and mugs.

“Isn’t it all splendid?” sighed Evadne.

Hilda furrowed her brow. “But where’s the King? He shouldn’t be missing the celebrations like this.”

“He has been gone quite some time...” Evadne gazed about and shook her head. “Well, don’t worry. I’ll go and look for him.”

“I’ll come too,” said Hilda. “He seemed a bit emotional. He might need…” She considered Evadne carefully. “...a more delicate approach.”

Evadne rolled her eyes. “Come on then.”

 

 

Outside they searched further and further away from the back of the theatre. 

Evadne frowned. “Where on earth can the man have gone? He surely—” 

She paused as Hilda grasped her arm.

“Great heavens!” whispered Hilda urgently. “Evadne, look..!” She pointed with a trembling finger. 

Ahead of them in a quiet lane the King was struggling, his arms bound and his mouth gagged. He was being held tightly by a masked man and woman who were trying to bundle him into the back of a car.

Evadne looked at Hilda in horror. 

Hilda pulled on Evadne’s arm, and the two of them began to retreat as silently as possible. 

Unfortunately the masked woman must have caught the movement out of the corner of her eye, because she abruptly looked up at them. 

“Well, well, well... _Perfect.”_

She and her companion threw the King into the car, and then the two of them rushed towards Hilda and Evadne.

“Oh, my— Run, dear!” yelled Evadne, and they galloped away. 

“Oh, great heavens!” panted Hilda. “What on earth is going on?”

“Let’s just get back to the theatre and get help!” called Evadne.

They dashed on, but despite their best efforts, the man and woman rapidly caught up with them. They were dragged back to the car, where they joined the King in the backseat. 

The man scrambled into the driver’s seat, while the woman took the passenger side.

“Let’s go!” yelled the woman. 

The man started the car and it screeched off.


	5. Chapter 5

The car stopped at a lonely patch of countryside. Hilda, Evadne and the King were dragged out and taken into a deserted and dilapidated house, and the King’s gag was removed.

Hilda stared at their kidnappers. “What on earth is going on? Who are you?” 

The man smirked. “Just a couple of admirers of your shows.”

“And admirers of the money you’re going to be making from them,” said the woman.

Evadne was dangerously calm. “I demand you tell us exactly who you are.”

The woman shrugged. “Fair enough. No reason why you shouldn’t know.”

She took off her mask, and handed over a card to Hilda. 

“Miss H. Corliss and Mr. L. Balthrop. High Cs Theatre Agency,” read Hilda aloud.

Evadne frowned. “Doesn’t ring a bell with me.”

The King pulled a disgusted face. “They’re land pirates!” He glared at the two of them. “The worst kind of pirate there is.”

“But what can you possibly want with us?” said Hilda.“Let us go at once!”

The man, Balthrop, removed his mask too. “We’ll let you go once you sign over the rights to both of your shows to us.”

Evadne laughed in sheer surprise. “As if we’d ever do that.”

“Well, if you don’t, we’ll go to the police. I’m sure they’ll be very interested to know two groups of wanted seagoing pirates have been appearing on stage right in front of their noses.” Miss Corliss grinned. “You can all say goodbye to your freedom for a long, long time.”

“You’re bluffing,” scoffed Evadne. “We won’t be bullied by people like you, will we, King?”

“Er,” said the King. 

Evadne turned to look at him in disbelief. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to let them do this?”

The King smiled awkwardly. “We’ve got to think of our young ladies. Flossie would be so upset if I went to prison. Even if we lose the show, at least we’ll still be free.”

He thrust his chest out and glared at the land pirates.

“Fine. I’ll sign. My Flossie is more important to me than money.”

He looked at Evadne. Evadne looked at Hilda helplessly, and Hilda nodded sadly.

Evadne sighed. “All right then.” She stared at the land pirates. “But don’t think you’re going to get away with this.”

“I rather think we might!” 

Miss Corliss laughed and brought out a contract and pen, and Evadne, Hilda and the King each in turn reluctantly signed.

The land pirates grinned and pocketed the papers. 

“Thank you _so_ much,” said Balthrop.

Miss Corliss smirked. “And I hope you won’t be offended if we leave you to make your own way back.”

The two of them strode out of the rundown house, and soon after there was the sound of a car starting up and driving away.

 

 

It was a long walk for Hilda, Evadne and the King back to the centre of Penzance. 

Evadne was seething. “I can’t believe I agreed to sign.”

Hilda patted her arm. “We didn’t have any choice, dear.” 

“But now we’re back to the beginning after all that work! I’ve let everyone down!” Evadne looked downwards. “I can’t start again—I just can’t.” 

The King nodded sadly. “Perhaps my men and I will eventually be able to write a new opera. But until then I’m sure we can find some other manner of work.” He sighed heavily. “Giving up the stage will be a wrench but it is still better then ending up in gaol and being separated from our sweethearts.”

Hilda shook her head. “You are both giving up far too easily.” She swung her fist across her body in determination. “We are _damn well_ not going to start all over again!”

The King clapped his hands over his ears and Evadne looked over at Hilda in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Hilda giggled a little. “We are going to arrange another raid. For tomorrow night!”

The King frowned as he read her lips and he uncovered his ears. “A raid? On the land pirates?”

“Oh, don’t worry, dear,” said Hilda. “We wouldn’t expect you to get involved. We understand your scruples.”

Evadne was staring at Hilda. “But another raid? Our last one didn’t go particularly well. We got caught, remember?”

“Well, this one will be on dry land and in an office.” Hilda grinned. “Come on, dear. We’ve got this far. We can get over this obstacle too!”

“Well…” 

Evadne hesitated. She glanced over at the King, who was attempting not to look hopeful. 

“You know, if you’re really serious about this, Hilda, perhaps we should speak to my mother.”

 

 

“What is it about Cornwall and all these pirates?” muttered Evadne as she waited for Hilda to finish getting ready.

“Would you say this outfit was suitable, dear?” said Hilda considering herself worriedly in the bedroom mirror. “Perhaps I should go back to the midnight blue…”

Evadne shook her head. “I would say the charcoal grey culottes you’re wearing are as perfect for breaking and entering as we’re going to get. Please, Hilda—we really do not have time for you to go through your entire wardrobe _again._ Let’s get downstairs. Our mothers will be wondering what’s keeping us.”

“It is very good of your mother to offer to help with any safes.” Hilda raised an eyebrow. “Though I am somewhat intrigued as to how she gained this knowledge.”

Evadne looked away. “Mother has a… past. She made some friends with useful skills.”

Hilda raised both eyebrows. “Did she now?”

 

 

They slipped out of the castle and headed towards Gertrude’s car. Maureen and Gertrude herself were waiting beside it.

“Ah! At last!” Maureen grinned at them. “Get in, girls and let’s get going!”

She got into the passenger’s seat while Gertrude got behind the wheel. 

Hilda and Evadne stuffed themselves a little inelegantly into the back.

“Ow!”

Gertrude looked round in concern. “Are you all right, Hilda?”

“She’s sitting on the grappling iron,” said Evadne. She turned to Hilda. “Give it to me, dear. I’ll hold it on my knee.”

And with ladies and their equipment neatly rearranged, the car moved off down the drive.

 

 

Gertrude parked a short distance away from the High Cs office. The four of them got out, and discreetly considered the building. 

“Looks empty to me,” whispered Evadne. 

Maureen nodded. “Let’s make our way round the back.”

At the back, there was a high narrow window.

“There won’t be an alarm on that one.” Maureen threw up the grappling iron which was now attached to a rope ladder. The iron caught on the window ledge. “Right.” 

Hilda looked up and smiled weakly. “Do we really have to go all the way up there?”

Evadne looked at her and frowned. “You climbed up to Nunton’s ship without any problems. And the Tarantula too.”

Hilda shrugged awkwardly. “Then I knew if I fell, it would be into the sea.”

Maureen smiled at her. “Don’t worry, Hilda. I shall do it and then come down inside and let the rest of you in.”

Sticking a jemmy into her belt, she scaled the wall with impressive ease. She got the window open and disappeared inside, and a few minutes later she reappeared at the back door. 

Maureen turned to Gertrude. “Could I ask you to keep watch, do you think?”

Gertrude grinned. “Yes, ma’am!”

Maureen beckoned to Evadne and Hilda and they followed her up into the building.

“This is the main office, I think,” whispered Maureen. “I noticed it on my way down.”

She got the door open with lockpicks and they all crept in.

“There!” Hilda pointed towards a large safe at the back of the room. 

For the first time Maureen hesitated. “It looks rather… secure. But I’ll do my best.”

She knelt and began to work on the safe.

Unfortunately, after several minutes of turning the dial with her ear pressed against the safe door, it was becoming apparent Maureen was making no real progress.

Hilda suddenly froze. “Hush! Someone’s coming! That’s not Gertrude is it?”

Evadne listened intently. “Definitely not. Sounds like a man.”

“Hide!” whispered Maureen urgently.

The three ladies quickly concealed themselves as best they could. 

They were just in time—the figure of a man stood hesitating in the doorway. He stepped forward, and Evadne sighed in relief. 

“The King!” 

She hurried over to him.

“But why are you here, dear?”

“To help.” The King wrung his hands. “Yes, it’s against the pirate code for pirates to steal from pirates but it seemed even worse to allow you to do this all on your own!”

“That’s very good of you,” said Maureen. She got to her feet. “But it’s all moot. I can’t get this wretched thing open.”

The King strode forward and examined the safe. “Oh, that’s nothing!” He got to his knees, whipped out a stethoscope and putting it to the safe, twiddled the dial. 

The safe swung open almost immediately. 

“Wonderful!” breathed Hilda. 

The King shrugged. “You’ve got to keep up with the times to be a successful pirate.”

Maureen turned to Evadne and Hilda. “Come on then! You know what this contract looks like.”

Evadne was already rummaging amongst the safe’s shelves. She lifted a paper aloft in triumph. “Here it is!”

“Then let’s collect Mummy and get going!” whispered Hilda urgently.

The four of them rapidly descended. 

 

 

The next day Hilda and Evadne returned to the offices in broad daylight. 

The well-groomed and self-possessed secretary gave them a tight smile. “I’m afraid Miss Corliss and Mr. Balthrop don’t see anyone without an appointment.”

Evadne smiled back grimly. “Oh, I think they’ll see us, dear...” 

She and Hilda strode forward and entered the main office, ignoring the secretary’s protestations.

Miss Corliss and Balthrop looked up, and Balthrop glared at them. “Ah, we meet again. I believe you might have visited us sometime last night when we weren’t here.”

“We just popped in to pick up something that belonged to us,” said Evadne briskly. “But if you want it you can have it back.” She got out the contract, ripped it up and threw the pieces at them. “There you are!”

Hilda stared the land pirates in the face. 

“So that’s that. And you have no hold over us. We will be going to the police and telling them you tried to defraud us.”

Miss Corliss laughed. “In that case we’ll tell them about the seagoing pirates then.” 

“Will you?” Evadne raised an eyebrow. “I rather think in the case of blackmail, you’ll find the police will be more interested in prosecuting _you_ and simply using us as witnesses.” 

She pulled her shoulders back. 

“And we refuse to be pushed around by people like you. If we do end up in prison, at least we will make sure your reputation will be in shreds. No-one will ever trust your agency again.” 

Evadne and Hilda made to leave.

“No, wait!” 

The land pirates looked at each other. 

“We’ll… give you money to forget all about this,” said Miss Corliss. 

Evadne laughed. “Do you really think you can buy us?”

“Well, give the money to the pirates then!” Balthrop frowned at her. “For their shows, so they can continue to go straight. And once we’ve handed the money over, then you can be sure we won’t be going to the police.”

Hilda looked at them coolly. “How much?”

Balthrop wrote out a cheque and handed it over. 

Hilda raised her eyebrows. “Good heavens. That much.”

She showed it to Evadne, and Evadne’s eyebrows rose even higher. 

Evadne looked up at Corliss and Balthrop. “All right. We will accept this on behalf of the pirates. But I’m warning you—money or no money, if you give them up to the police then our agreement is at an end and we’ll give evidence on exactly how you behaved. The threat of prosecution doesn’t frighten either of us.”

With their heads held high, Evadne and Hilda exited. 

 

 

“But I’m afraid we simply can’t accept it,” said the King.

Evadne looked down at the cheque in her hand, and looked back up at the King.

“It’s only to support the shows.”

“You must see it breaks the piratical code though,” said Nunton. “Taking money from other pirates—even though they handed it over willingly, in a way.”

“But you stole the Pirate King’s show yourself in the first place!” Hilda turned and addressed the King. “And you helped us with the burglary at the land pirates’!” 

The King looked embarrassed. “Yes, I did. But I think taking money from them would be a step too far. I really don’t feel I can accept anything from them.”

He looked between Hilda and Evadne and beamed. 

“Why don’t _you_ keep it? As payment for all your hard work!”

Evadne shook her head. “Oh, no. That definitely wouldn’t be right—”

Hilda put her hand on Evadne’s arm, gently took the cheque from her, and looked up at the pirates. “We’ll think about it.”

 

 

“Oh, Hilda,” said Evadne, once they were back in their room at the castle. “You know we can’t keep it.”

“Why not?” said Hilda.

“Because it’s pirate treasure,” said Evadne. “The land pirates will have got it by—” She looked sideways. “—nefarious means.”

“We don’t know that for certain,” said Hilda. “They must do some honest business too.” She gestured vaguely. “Look, Evadne, we can do the ‘decent’ thing and hand the money over to the police. But then we have to explain why we want the company investigating and that leads things back to the pirates. Or…” She glanced at the cheque in her hand. “We can use the money to buy ourselves a little house in the country.” Hilda looked at the cheque again. “Or maybe a big house in the country.”

She looked up at Evadne.

“Just think. We could get away from our mothers. Get away from running the Rosa Charles. Have our own place. Just do shows and touring whenever we feel like it.”

Evadne furrowed her brow. “That does sound nice. But maybe it would be a better idea to donate the money to the Rosa Charles. Heaven knows the company needs the cash.”

Hilda rolled her eyes. “That company is not our responsibility. Come on, Evadne—live a little. Retire to the country with me!”

Evadne hesitated. 

“Look,” said Hilda. “We can give some of the money to the company to get it back on its feet. There’ll still be plenty left over for a house.”

Evadne smiled a little. “A house in the country does sound nice. But where would we move to?”

“Well, what about Stackton Tressel?” said Hilda. “The way Maud talks about it, it sounds perfect. And she mentioned the old manse was for sale—lovely big house with a huge garden.” 

Evadne’s face fell. “Do we really have to go and live in the same village as Maud?” 

Hilda waved a careless hand. “Oh, we’ll hardly see her.” She smiled. “Just think what it’d be like—a splendid garden for you to do up. We could call the house… Oh, I don’t know… Utopia Limited!”

Evadne looked thoughtful. “Well…”

Hilda went in for the kill. “Just think, dear. We’d never have to perform the entire Ring Cycle in twenty-four hours _ever again!”_

Evadne sighed in ecstasy. 

“Yes, all right, Hilda! Let’s do it!” 

 

 

In the ballroom at Tremorden Castle a party was in full swing.

The General raised his glass and raised his voice too, in order to be heard over the music. “Here’s to my daughters’ engagements, ladies!” 

Maureen and Gertrude laughed and held up their glasses too.

“To your daughters!” said Gertrude, clinking her glass with the General’s. “May all their troubles be little ones!”

Hilda rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what it is about middle-age that sends everyone silly.” She raised an eyebrow. “You really should be going easy on the wine if you’re driving back tomorrow, Mummy.”

“Ah, but she’s not driving,” said Maureen.

Evadne considered her mother with some concern. “You don’t mean you’re doing all the driving, do you? You’ve had even more than Gertrude.”

“Thank you for keeping such a watchful eye on me, dear.” Maureen grinned. “But no, you needn’t worry on that score.”

The General beamed at Hilda. “Gertrude has kindly invited me to stay for a week or so, my dear. It’ll be splendid to see your father again.”

“So we’re all driving down together!” smiled Gertrude. “Well, Methuen will be doing the driving. And then he and the General can get the train back for the return journey.”

“I’m so looking forward to seeing old Osbert again. I haven’t seen him in donkey’s years.” The General turned to watch his daughters and their beaux waltzing on the dancefloor. “And the young folk don’t want me breathing down their necks at the moment.”

He raised his glass again.

“To my daughters!”

He shook his head happily and took a sip of his wine.

Gertrude made a shooing motion to Evadne and Hilda. “Now, you two—off you go and have some fun. We old folks want to have a nice chin-wag about the good old days.” 

“Yes, all right, Mummy.” 

Hilda moved away, Evadne following her. 

Evadne rolled her eyes. “I doubt very much they'll be able to remember anything of the ‘good old days’ with the amount of alcohol they’ve all put away.”

Hilda giggled. “The General’s very pleased at his daughters getting married, isn’t he? I’ve lost count of how many toasts he’s made.”

Evadne smiled and waved at Flossie and the King, and then Mabel and Frederic as the two couples whirled past them. 

She turned back to Hilda. “Well, he’s relieved that everything’s nearly settled. I am too. Mabel is taking over the lead in ‘The Pirates of Penzance’ from you, and Samuel is taking over from me as musical director. We just have to get ‘Bowl Me Over in Your Bowler’ sorted out now.”

Hilda nodded. “Then we can go and finish our tour with the Rosa Charles with a clear conscience.”

“And buy our house!” Evadne looked over Hilda’s shoulder to smile at the two men approaching them. “Oh, hello, Nunton. Boothby. Having a good time?”

“Marvellous, thank you,” beamed Nunton.

“It was so good of the General to invite us along,” added Boothby. 

“Well, he felt it wouldn’t have been fair not to have our other company here as well.” Hilda frowned. “Actually though, I don’t think I’ve seen any of your men here tonight, Nunton. I do hope they didn’t feel they weren’t welcome.”

Boothby and Nunton exchanged a look. 

Nunton smiled cautiously. 

“Actually, that was something I wanted to talk to you about. You see, my chaps have decided musical theatre isn’t for them after all and they’ve gone back to piracy. But…”

He hesitated and gave Boothby a quick smile, then turned back to Hilda and Evadne. 

“I would like to continue being a singer. And I suppose I could ask the Pirate King if I could join his company. However I’d like to be with Boothby and so I wondered…”

“If he could join us at the Rosa Charles.” Boothby smiled hopefully. “If you might take him on as lead tenor?”

“Oh.” Evadne furrowed her brow. “That would be wonderful. I’d love to but…”

She turned to Hilda.

“We really couldn’t fire Baddesley now. Not after he’s worked so hard with the others after we practically abandoned them.”

Nunton held up a hand. “Ah, but he’s gone onto other things. I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.” He rummaged in his pocket. “I’ve had a note from him.”

Evadne frowned. _“You’ve_ had a note from him?”

Nunton nodded. “Well, he had to ask my permission first.”

Evadne shook her head. “I’m not sure I’m following you.”

“I’ll explain.” Nunton unfolded the note. “This is the most relevant part.”

He began to read out loud. 

_“And so I’ve decided to leave the Rosa Charles Company and join your men in their return to the sea and their old ways. I think I’d much prefer being a real pirate than playing parts on a stage.”_

“Good heavens,” said Hilda. 

Nunton handed over a second missive. “Here’s the note he enclosed for the two of you.”

Evadne took it and smiled in bemusement. “Well, if he’s sure...” She held up her hands and laughed. “Welcome aboard, Nunton!” 

Ruth and the Sergeant were now coming over as well, both smiling at the merriment before them.

“You all look happy,” said Ruth.

“You too,” said Hilda, returning her smile.

“Well, we should be…” The Sergeant looked at them shyly. “Ruth has agreed to marry me.”

“Another engagement!” said Evadne. “There must be something in the air!” 

Ruth looked somewhat awkward. “This does mean that I would prefer to stay in Penzance, and so… Well, I don’t wish to take up my position again, as wardrobe mistress with the Rosa Charles Company.” She looked at Hilda. “I’m sorry to let you all down. I did enjoy my short time out on tour, and then again here as your dresser.”

Hilda nodded. “I completely understand.” She smiled at Ruth. “Naturally we’re sorry to lose you but of course you must stay here in Penzance. And…” She glanced at Evadne. “Well, to be honest, I personally wouldn’t have been needing a dresser for much longer anyway.”

She turned to Boothby. “There’s something we need to discuss with you, dear...” 

 

 

The weeks went past, and the Rosa Charles Opera Company weaved their way round the British Isles and back down to Falmouth. The tour was almost at an end now, and with it Hilda and Evadne’s time with the company. 

A trifle sadly, the two ladies walked together through Falmouth’s Gaiety Theatre towards the stage door.

“Well, I thought the dress rehearsal went very well,” said Evadne. “Boothby will do a very good job of taking over from me. And Sybilla should do a reasonable job as leading lady.” She smiled a little. “Thanks heavens we managed to convince Dodie to resume her role as understudy. Her heart may be in the right place but her vocal cords certainly aren’t.”

Hilda shook her head. “It’s difficult to take in, isn’t it? Just one more performance tonight and then no more performances with the Rosa Charles ever again. Just a few loose ends to tie up and we’re off to the quiet life of Stackton Tressel.”

Evadne nodded. “It feels so strange.” She opened the stage door. “Hard to believe that just a few months ago I was being followed around by—” 

She turned to the doorway to find fifteen pirates in wedding outfits beaming back at her. 

Evadne stared. “No! Absolutely not!”

She turned to Hilda. 

“I thought this was all over and done with! I can’t marry them! I won’t!”

“Evadne, dear, I’m sure...”

Hilda attempted to console Evadne while the King came towards them waving his hands vigorously. 

“No! Dear lady! Of course we don’t want to marry you. We’ve just _got_ married! We’re here on our honeymoons!”

Evadne looked over at him suspiciously. “So where are your brides then?”

Frederic stepped forward and smiled. “Come and see.”

 

 

Evadne and Hilda followed them down to the harbour. There was the Tarantula, festooned in ribbons and flags, with Mabel, Flossie, Edith and the rest of the new brides waving from the deck in matching wedding dresses—each girl with a different coloured bouquet. 

Hilda beamed in delight. “Oh, don’t they all look beautiful! And you’ve got the ship looking so festive.”

Evadne turned to the King with a smile. “You’re all having a maritime honeymoon then?” 

“Yes, but not only that!” The King beamed proudly. “We’ve turned the Tarantula into a floating theatre! To combine our love of the sea and our love of performing!” He gestured towards the ship. “Shall we..?”

The King offered his arm to Evadne, and Frederic offered his to Hilda. And with the rest of the grooms bringing up the rear, they made their way up the gangplank.

The former Stanley girls drew away from the rest of the brides and rushed forward eagerly to greet the ladies. 

“It’s so wonderful to see you!” said Mabel. 

“We wanted to surprise you,” smiled Edith. “We’ve got tickets to see your last performance tonight, and then we’d all like you to be guests of honour at our first onboard performance tomorrow.”

“Us?” said Evadne. 

“We wouldn’t have met our husbands if it hadn’t been for you,” said Mabel. “Or gone into show business! We have a lot to thank you for.”

There was a chorus of agreement from all the brides.

Hilda and Evadne smiled at them and then at each other. 

“Well, of course we’d be proud to accept,” said Hilda.

Evadne was looking towards the stern of the ship where an elegant little stage had been constructed, framed by two crimson velvet curtains hanging from a frame. In front of the stage there was a splendid grand piano. 

Evadne turned to the massed brides and grooms. “It’s so beautifully set out.” 

“We did all the work ourselves,” said the King proudly. 

Flossie came forward, and gestured all around. “This area will have seats when we’re putting on a performance.” She grinned. “But they’re all cleared away for the moment because there’s going to be dancing!” 

The King glanced at his new wife, then cleared his throat and tentatively offered his hand to Evadne. “I was wondering... if you might do me the honour of joining me in one dance. Just to commemorate my past regard, you know.”

“Oh! Me too!” called Frederic.

“And me!” called Samuel.

There was a jumble of enthusiastic requests from the rest of the former pirates. 

Evadne regarded them cautiously. The new brides were all looking perhaps just a trifle concerned. 

She smiled awkwardly. 

“I think I might sit the dancing out. Perhaps I could provide the music though..?” 

“Yes. Yes, of course. That would be delightful.” The King looked downcast for a moment. Then Flossie gently took his arm. He turned towards her, and all trace of his disappointment disappeared. 

Mabel went to Frederic, and Edith went to Samuel, and soon all the couples were in each other’s arms and gazing into each other’s eyes, waiting for the dance to begin. 

Hilda gestured discreetly with her head towards the piano, and she and Evadne made their way over to it. 

Evadne sat herself down at the keyboard. “Now, what shall we have..?” She flexed her fingers and began to play a sweet, slow melody.

“Ah, ‘Love’s Old Sweet Song’...” Hilda watched as the couples gently started to waltz, each groom enraptured by his bride.

She turned back to the piano as Evadne approached the end of the tune. “What about something a little more lively now?”

Evadne raised a mischievous eyebrow, and went into a vigorous version of ‘A Life on the Ocean Wave’.

Out on the floor, the dancers laughed in delight and launched into a polka. 

After a while, Mabel broke away from Frederic and disappeared. She soon reappeared though, carrying two glasses which she brought over to the ladies with a shy smile. 

“Some champagne left over from the wedding!”

“How lovely! Thank you, dear.” Hilda took both glasses, and watched Mabel hurry back to the waiting arms of her husband. 

With a smile, Hilda turned and offered one of the glasses to Evadne. “Can you manage, dear?”

Evadne carried on picking out the tune with her left hand and took the glass in her right. She looked out at all the couples. 

“It is nice to see everyone happy. I’m just glad everything is settled now.”

“Yes.” Hilda sighed. “But I’m a little sad the fun and excitement is definitely over.” 

Evadne looked at her.

“Yes, well.” Hilda took a sip of her champagne. “I appreciate it wasn’t _all_ fun, especially for you. But it’s all over now. And soon we’ll be settled in our new house.”

Evadne looked thoughtful. “We did get a home out it. I’m grateful for that.” She smiled a little. “Oh, it was an adventure, I suppose.” 

“That’s the spirit!” Hilda beamed back at her. 

Evadne held up her glass in a toast. “So… here’s to the Pirates of Penzance and their brides?” 

“And to the Two Little Maids from Stackton Tressel!” giggled Hilda.

They clinked their glasses together.

“Cheers, dear,” said Hilda.

Evadne smiled. “Cheers!”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Artwork for Small Fandom Bang - Dear Ladies (tv)/The Pirates of Penzance (1983)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10723533) by [danceswithgary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary)




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